Always Mine
by RynStar15
Summary: Sequel to Never Mine: When the darkness comes and all else has been stripped away, I will embrace the end without regrets. Because I had her and she was everything, and who can fear death when you have had everything?
1. The Impetus

***THIS IS A SEQUEL TO "NEVER MINE," PLEASE READ THAT FIRST OR ELSE THIS STORY IS NOT GOING TO MAKE A WHOLE LOT OF SENSE!***

 **I will also note now and only now that this story is MATURE and DARK, please read all tags before continuing. There are sexual scenes as well as graphic violence and language. You have been warned.**

 **Tags: Angst, Death, Fingering, H/C, H/J, Lang, MC, M/F, Oral, Tort, Violence**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Harry Potter world or characters which belong to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. I intend no copyright infringement by using the characters therein.**

...

I had known from the very first it had to be like this. A clean cut healed better than a jagged gash. The only thing I could give her was the easiest way to heal. Her screams tore after me, ripping at my heart and my resolution. But I didn't turn, didn't falter.

I whipped around the corner and continued at my brisk pace, the pain all-but consuming me. I could hear her stop, knew her heart was shattering just as completely as mine. At least I had the comfort of knowing that hers would mend; she would move on, she would make a life, have a family, a future, a chance for happiness. Not something I could say for myself. But the look on her face as I had turned from her for the last time almost had me on my knees, wishing once again that she could find a way to save me, to save us, a way we could have that future I had clung to so desperately these last few months.

But I knew there was not. There was only one solution, one end for someone like me. It was just. It was right.

I couldn't say I regretted Hermione coming into my life; it would be a lie of colossal proportions. She had brought out in me something I had never known existed. I loved her with an intensity that was almost painful. I could die now happily thanks to her. Her pleas to save me had fallen on deaf ears. Didn't she realize she already _had_ saved me?

I was not without regrets, no. I regretted nearly every single thing I had done in my short life, a gnawing pain in my chest reminding me of those atrocious deeds. But this, this I could do without regret. I would give the only thing I could to the Order; kill the last bit of the mother-fucker who had ruined the lives of so many, including my own. I could show Hermione, finally, that I was a different man than the one I had been. I had done everything I could to prepare them. Now it was time to end it, once and for all.

And that began with ending myself.

As I trotted down another staircase I thought back to every moment with Hermione; this was the only thing that was going to get me through these next few minutes, these last endless breaths. I remembered every heartbeat as she had lifted me bodily on that battle field, the fiery gleam in her eyes that war had put there. It was the first time I'd seen her since the manor and she was more beautiful than I had remembered, even in my most vivid dreams. And when she'd given me a choice I had been…speechless. It had been hard to fathom that she was giving me a chance, one last chance at redemption. If she had been anyone other than Hermione Granger, I would have been dead before I could blink, and I wouldn't have blamed them. But she _was_ Hermione Granger; forever forgiving, forever believing in the good of humanity. She had believed in me even when I hadn't believed in myself. She had never given up on me, no matter how dreadfully I treated her.

I had tried hard, so hard, to keep her at bay, to keep her away from all of this. She didn't need to be sucked into my troubles. I had enough to deal with without worrying about her as well. But she had wheedled her way in, and soon I couldn't stand to be without her. I couldn't stop myself from kissing her, from making her mine once and for all. Because I had loved Hermione Granger for as long as I cared to remember.

At first, I had loathed her. Everything from her bushy hair and her buck teeth to her dirty blood and bossy attitude. That loathing had seeped into jealousy as she beat me in every single subject. There was nothing that Granger girl didn't know, nothing she couldn't do better than everyone else in our year. I had seen her dedication, her determination, her loyalty to Potter and Weasley. It sickened me that she trailed after them like a puppy, all but wiping the spittle from their chins. She deserved a man, someone who could challenge her, excite her. Someone like me.

But she had shown me exactly what she thought of my pompous arse when she'd slapped me for making fun of the blundering oaf and his ridiculous pet. I had loved her then. Right at that moment, I had wanted to kiss her, an instinct that was consuming and terrifying, one I knew I must hide at all costs. I would surely be disinherited if my father ever knew I lusted for a Mudblood.

I distinctly remember feeling my first jolt of fear for Hermione, a feeling which would repeat itself many times over the next several years. I'd been standing in a copse of trees watching tents burn and people flee, the Roberts family floating above them all. Then I'd seen _her_ with those bumbling idiots and I'd felt the blood in my veins turn to ice. It made sense that she wouldn't understand the magnitude of danger she was in, but Weasley should have known better. Didn't those morons feel any sense of protectiveness over their endangered friend? Didn't they realize what would happen to her if she were found? I'd done everything to instill that sense of peril, to make them understand that they needed to _get her out now!_ I had kept a close watch on them until they were surrounded by Ministry members and I finally felt safe enough to leave her and return to where I'd been bid to remain until my father came to claim me.

Then at the Yule Ball I had watched her walk into the gleaming Great Hall on the arm of Viktor Krum, an internationally famous Quidditch player, one I had once snuck a poster of into my room before father had found it and torn it down. She had been…radiant. Every inch of her sparkled. She was beautiful. She was perfect.

It wasn't long after that night I realized I risked much more than a title if it were found I had feelings for her. The Dark Lord was back and my father expected me to take my rightful place by his side. If I didn't learn to hide my feelings well I could be killed and Hermione…she would be hunted. She would be in more danger than she already was. And I doubted she ever really knew how much that was. A Mudblood, the best friend to Harry Potter with intelligence rivaling the Dark Lord's at that age. She could make a formidable rival, or a vital ally, though I had made it clear to the Dark Lord from the first that Hermione Granger would never join our side and it would be unwise to attempt, a fact they had realized in her week-long stay at the Manor. A week which had tested me more than any other.

The instant I heard she had been captured and was under the care of none other than my malicious aunt I went straight to her, begging to be taken to the Mudblood, to learn from her torturous ways. A little flattery had gone a long way to my doting Auntie Bella and she had pulled me down to our highest security dungeon cell.

I was almost sick at the sight. Hermione had only been there a few hours but already she had been so brutally beaten she was almost unrecognizable. But I would know her anywhere, she'd been my secret obsession for so long...

I had spared her more cruelty that day by reminding my vicious relative that if she was dead we couldn't question her and she had grudgingly left the girl for the evening. I was taken from the manor the next three days for a Muggle hunt. I was punished more during those days for my wavering attention than I'd ever been, my mind stuck with Hermione where she could meet her death any moment. I couldn't eat or sleep; my stomach in knots until we returned and I once again begged my aunt to let me return with her to our prisoner.

Believing this to be a good sign of my blood-lust, she had taken me back down where I had choked back bile once more. Hermione's face was swollen, blood caked her hair. She had been stripped and lash marks riddled her body, her arm twisted sickeningly at her side, burn marks scorched up and down her legs. One knee was so swollen she couldn't bend it, her right foot was laying on its side, the ankle snapped. She couldn't barely open her blood crusted eyes and hadn't spoken a word, but stared at me, that penetrating gaze boring straight to my heart. I knew I had to get her out of there before they killed her.

When it had been my turn to torture her at Aunt Bella's instruction, I had caught her eye and widened mine, hoping my signal came across, but she just closed her eyes in defeat. I cast the spells while silently producing a Shield Charm at the same time. _Scream,_ I had begged her, but no sound came. Terrified my aunt would figure out my plot, I lifted the spell and turned to her, ready to face my punishment. But she had stridden to Hermione and kicked her over. She'd looked up at me, a sick glee flashing in her eyes.

"Well, my sweet little nephew," she had crooned. "You have learned more than I had bargained. I believe you may have killed the Mudblood wench!"

"NO!" I had shrieked, horrified. Aunt Bella had cackled and hugged me, thinking I had said it in disbelief rather than terror.

"You're going to be just like dear old auntie, aren't you?" she'd muttered, kissing my cheek. I swallowed the lump in my throat, my body numb. Finally, I knelt at Hermione's side and watched. Slowly, she drew in a weak breath and I'd nearly crumpled in relief. She was alive.

"Oh," the demented witch had said dejectedly. "She's just passed out again. Weak little bitch."

I spent the next days trying to sneak water or food down to her but was thwarted, either summoned by another Death Eater or else caught on my way down and having to make some other excuse to hurry away. Finally, a week after her arrival, a meeting was being held for some of the more prominent members and I, not being one of them, was sent to my room. I snuck out, found Hermione's wand in my aunt's room, and raced down to the dungeon, opening the door with my Dark Mark.

Once in I had Stunned her, Disillusioned her, and Levitated her outside. I crept through the shadows, my heart in my throat, sneaking out of the eerily quiet manor. As soon as I had opened the gates with my Mark I undid the spells and shoved her wand into her hand before she was aware of her surroundings. I watched her limp a few steps, looking around disoriented, before Disapparating and my heart had soared. She was safe.

I, however, was not. It turned out my father had seen me sneaking out of the house and had followed, but by the time he had figured out what I had done, she was gone. My punishment and subsequent house arrest had been more than worth it. When Aunt Bella caught wind of what had happened she'd been livid. She'd gone straight to the Dark Lord and the two of them had called me in for a tête-à-tête about my loyalty. Using the Occlumency Severus had taught me, I'd been able to make the claim that I had earned the Order's trust for not killing Dumbledore and that by rescuing "the Mudblood" I was simply saving face.

And those very words had been my downfall.

The Dark Lord figured I was becoming something of a protégée to Snape. He called Snape into the room and asked him about my behavior and my mentor, ever the slick liar, had covered for me smoothly. He apologized profusely for not informing the Dark Lord immediately about our plan but he knew his Lord was busy with other tasks. The Dark Lord had forgiven him as Severus had become his favorite servant and we had been dismissed. Severus had rounded on me and, using Legilimency to learn the truth behind my actions, cursed me soundly, screaming at me to keep me emotions in check as they were what got people killed.

"We only have one chance at this, Draco," he had warned. "I need not impress upon you any further that the quicker we get you into the Order's hands, the better. He has his eyes on you at all times, rescuing Miss Granger was extremely reckless and I urge you not to take any more chances!"

"So what, you would have left her there to die?" I snarled.

"If that is what it takes to convince the Dark Lord I am his servant, then yes. I did not wish this upon the girl, but sacrifices must be made, Draco. You must learn this."

And these were the last words my one true friend ever spoke to me. The very next day we were summoned once more to the Dark Lord's side. I had snuck a nervous glance at Snape, wondering if he knew why we were there. He, however, was as inscrutable as ever and refused to look at me.

"Ah! My most trustworthy spies," the Dark Lord had welcomed us, and I stood straighter, wondering if he had some sort of task for us that would take me to Hermione. "I have brought you here, my faithful friends, to partake in the most important task either of you will ever assist me in."

"I am most honored, my lord," Severus had said, bowing to one knee and I followed suit.

"Yes, I confess myself disappointed it must come to this," he had said coldly and I had snuck a glance up at him where he was pacing, stroking his wand idly.

"My lord?" Snape asked.

"In order for young Draco here to understand, he must be brought up to date in his Lord's endeavors. I beg you to bear with me, Severus."

Then he had told me, in gruesome detail, about the Horcruxes, how he had figured out how to become immortal. I had fought to keep the disgust from my features and my mind blank as he told me he was down one, Nagini, who had been killed by the Mudblood I had seen fit to release.

"And that is why I need you, Draco," he had crooned, kneeling before me and raising my chin with a cold finger so that our faces were even. I had never been so close to him before and his snake-like face was even more terrifying in detail.

"Me, my lord?" I had asked, keeping the nervous tremble from my voice. I could see the veins criss-crossing on his serpentine face and wondered if it was possible that this evil being had ever once been human.

"Yes, young Draco. I believe you are exactly what I need. You see, I require seven Horcruxes to complete my task. I am down one. I must make another, a stronger one. You can prove most valuable, I believe." My heart had contracted and I was suddenly breathless. Surely, he couldn't mean…? "Yes, Draco. You understand me quite well. _You_ will become my next Horcrux."

To my left I saw Snape look over at us, for once his face betraying him. "My lord, he is just a boy!"

"He is of age. He chose to become one of us, did he not?" The Dark Lord had raised my left wrist now which burned at his proximity. I was reminded harshly of taking the Mark just before my sixth year, when I had been handed my first task. I had once thought that would be the greatest pain I would ever endure, but I was finding now that it was nothing compared to the way Hermione could wound me.

"Please, my lord, allow me to take this task," Snape had pled while my terror-clogged brain worked hard to comprehend what was happening. Was I going to die, become some kind of statue with a piece of the Dark Lord's soul lodged inside me?

"Regrettably, Severus, you play a different role in this act," Voldemort said, standing. "You have been most useful to me. I can place no greater praise upon you but that I honor you above all others. However, you have done all you can for me. Except for this." He paced between us where we knelt, our faces raised to watch him. "You see, in order for Mr. Malfoy here to become my strongest weapon yet, I must make a sacrifice. You, Severus, will be that sacrifice."

I was almost sick. I turned to Snape where his wan face was drawn tight. He did not look at me, but continued to watch the Dark Lord pace.

"As I have said, I do not wish to lose you. You have done your part, most admirably. Now it is time for Draco to take your place." He turned his emotionless gaze to me then. "I must admit I cannot tell you how it will feel to become a Horcrux. You will be you, simply with a part of me inside you. You will be the most important vessel in my care. You will gain all of my powers and we will have a rather _special_ connection. You will be more powerful than you can even imagine. You will be given the greatest protection and rewards, for you have an important burden to bear. Draco Abraxas Malfoy, will you take this honor?"

I looked to Snape, unable to breathe or think. He did not look at me but lowered his head ever so slightly, telling me to consent to this horrifying deed. I had to swallow several times before looking up into the Dark Lord's evil eyes.

"Of course, my lord. Thank you, my lord."

"Then rise, my son, and stand by my side, a place you will have from this moment on," he gestured with a smile which only served to make him look slightly unstable. I stood, my head still bowed, and joined him to his right which put me directly in front of Snape who was still looking straight ahead. His eyes finally raised and met mine and I could feel the strength that radiated from him. Here sat the only man who had ever understood me, the only man who had seen me for who I truly was, besides Dumbledore. And now, like Dumbledore, he was about to be lost to me forever.

"And you, my friend," The Dark Lord reached down and Snape reluctantly placed his hand in his. "Rise, and do your duty to your lord." The Dark Lord held his hand until Snape stood and then let go and took a step back, his arm coming out to press me back as well. My heart was pounding, my body numb. This couldn't be happening; I couldn't lose him, not now, not when I needed him most.

"My lord," I pled, Snape catching my eye, his flashing with warning. "Can't-can't we use someone else?"

The Dark Lord laughed coldly. "I understand your reluctance to lose your professor. I have heard of your fondness. However, you will find that will make you all the stronger."

Then he raised his wand arm, my head snapping between them, finally locking on my mentor whose eyes were on me. A moment passed as we looked at each other and I knew he was doing this for me. He had always done everything for me, sacrificed everything. There was so much I wanted to say-

" _Avada Kedavra!_ "

And just like that, Severus Snape crumpled to the floor. I didn't even have time to cry out as pain ripped through me, my chest breaking open. Then a darkness such as I'd never felt raced through my veins, ice cold and overwhelming, and _power_ …power such as should never exist flooded over me, into me, ripping the breath from my lungs. When I opened my eyes I was on all fours, my body suddenly light and tingling. I felt strength…such strength my body could barely contain it.

"Well, Draco?" I stood, looking down at my hands, which looked just as they had before, and up to the Dark Lord. I raised them and lightning crackled through the room, wind and light shattering glass and exploding bookshelves while the Dark Lord laughed, high, cold, and penetrating, a laugh which cut through my soul, a soul that was now no longer mine.

From that day on I left the Dark Lord's side only to sleep. As I found it difficult to contain my newfound power he helped me practice honing it every day. I was at his right side everywhere he went, except when he left. I was not to leave the Malfoy Manor until I could be trusted not to burst out in random fits of magic like an inexperienced eight-year-old.

My father had been in tears of gratitude to be back in the Dark Lord's good grace. My mother had been still as stone and wouldn't meet my eye. As for me…I couldn't look in a mirror. I could feel this…evil…inside me. This blackness that I couldn't describe. I felt dirty and took multiple showers a day as if I could scrub it off.

 _What had I done?_

I had to close off my thoughts now more than ever, terrified I could be read like a book at the Dark Lord's leisure. I had no idea how I could fix this. Not only had I assisted the Dark Lord in becoming stronger, but I now had no idea how to get to the Order without Snape. Even if I did somehow manage to find them, they would never trust me, and how _could_ they when a piece of the Dark Lord's _soul_ was inside me?

The Dark Lord came to me on crisp morning in November and asked me if I was ready. Could I wield the powers I was given, could I follow him onto the battlefield and show them all our invincibility? And the only thought in my head had been of Hermione. She would be there. I knew it. I had to protect her. There was no other choice

So we went to a muddy hillside where a group of Muggle-borns had been hiding out and we decimated them. The Order came, as we knew they would, and we battled. I found I could hold off any person with the slightest of ease, my wand suddenly performing spells I hardly recognized. I tried to get away, to find someone, anyone, who could help me, but the Dark Lord kept an irritatingly close eye on me. I watched as fellow classmates dueled the men and women whom I had grown to know, to hate as much as myself. I itched to join them, to show them that I, too, would do anything to be rid of them, but the Dark Lord's eyes were on me at all times, preventing my escape.

Until Potter scuttled across his path.

The Dark Lord's voice rang through me. _Get back to the Manor, I have the boy._ Then he grabbed Potter and disappeared in a whirl of cloak.

I was alone. My time had come at last, Snape's words ringing in my ears: _"You know what is right, Draco. And you know this is not. Nothing good can come of the Dark Lord's reign. Set aside your prejudice; forget everything you've ever learned from your father. Trust your instincts."_

Trust my instincts. I looked to my right and as if in slow motion I watched my father come into view, dueling two Order members at once, his blonde hair whipping around his face. That blonde hair he had passed down to me. His hair, his eyes, his jaw. His cunning. His need for power. His ruthlessness. I was more like him than I cared to admit. But I had gained something from him he'd never considered. I'd gained his determination. I would do anything for what I wanted. And this…this is not what I wanted.

I struck out and never looked back, searching for that thing I wanted above all else. I was hit in the back with a stray Impediment Jinx and sprawled on the icy ground. Before the stars had stopped dancing across my vision I rolled over and stared straight into the bright brown eyes of everything I'd been searching for. I'd already made my choice before she gave it to me. She was it. She was always it.

Out of all of my regrets, choosing Hermione was never one. Never. Despite the pain it caused me to let her go, the joy she had given me in my last months were more than I could have ever deserved. She gave me the strength to do what I had to do now.

I smiled at the thought of beautiful brown eyes and quickened my steps towards the Great Hall.

…

A/N: Welcome back, my lovely readers! I hope you are enjoying Draco's POV. We'll be wrapping up all of our unanswered questions here in the next few chapters so sit back, enjoy the ride, and let me know what you think!

XOXO

RynStar15


	2. The Chosen One

I could feel the Dark Lord's anger, as I had for months now, rearing up inside me. Ever since I had left the Manor it had been there, this seething, burning fire threatening to tear me apart. There were times that my Occlumency had not been enough and I felt as though I were losing myself and becoming _him_. It was those times I had to work my hardest to keep my whereabouts secret, to force myself not to think about Hermione, to remember that I had to stay focused if I were to get rid of him for good.

Now was one of these times. My vision was growing black and I knew he was trying to look through me, to see where I was as he had been doing for the last three months. Grunting, I had to grab the wall to stay upright and my vision wavered as mountains came into view, the very mountains I had tried to find shelter in on my way here. It had been too risky to try the cabinet again; without someone there to open the Room of Requirement, who knew where I'd end up. So, I had traveled on foot (mostly), hoping I could Apparate to random places and let him see to throw him off. But it didn't work; he always seemed to know where I was going.

His fury that last time had been enough to force me to my knees, to stop me long enough for the Death Eaters to find me…for Greyback to grab me…to feel the fire as his claws sliced into my face while I struggled, my vision wavering between two worlds… It had been close, but I forced him back, got away. I had to keep going. I was so close…

I'd found shelter in a cave near where I knew Hogwarts was and settled in, nursing my wounds, exhausted and terrified. I'd felt that blackness creeping up so I'd thought of Hermione, wondering what she was doing, if she was safe. I allowed my mind to drift to hers, tucking into it like going home. It was warm and safe there. She'd been dreaming of me, a projected image of my arms around her as we lay in bed laughing, soft moonlight creeping in through silk curtains. I'd smiled at this image, wondering what it would be like, sinking into the beauty of it until I'd lost control and let the Dark Lord back in, his eyes breaking through the dream and to my surroundings before I was able to sever the connection.

I knew she'd seen what he had and just as I predicted- not an hour later she was in the fucking snow searching for me, though I was long gone, tucked into the edge of the forest. I cursed her as she'd ambled along with Weasley, nearly gone to her when the Dementors had come, fallen to my knees when I saw the dragon burst from her wand, a dragon that looked identical to my Patronus…

When I'd felt him coming, I'd panicked. She was right where the Dark Lord had seen me and he was headed directly for her. Through my crippling fear I'd directed her away until finally she was safe, she was at the school gates.

The terror that had filled her at my aunt's voice matched my own. I remember screaming for her to retreat, running as fast as I could towards the Shrieking Shack when she didn't, trying to get to her, to save her.

But she didn't need me. Of course she didn't need me. That damn witch didn't need anyone. She'd survived more than I'd ever seen anyone survive and continued to sparkle with warmth and love and humility. Traits I sought to save when I felt her endless patience snap, when I felt that anger which filled me take her over, rip her under until she had uttered the one word I'd never imagined would fall from her lips.

I brought her back. I'd crumpled when she desisted, knowing it was my words which brought her the same salvation she brought me. _My_ words which had soothed her, _my_ love which had saved her.

I was ripped back to the present as the slick fingers of darkness clutched me, drawing me down. I thought of Hermione, brought her face to the fore of my mind, flushed and sated, lying beneath me, knowing that she was mine forever, that I was hers in a way no one else would ever be. I felt the dark falling back, the corridor around me coming back into view. I was forced to duck behind a suit of armor as a dark haired Ravenclaw girl ran passed me looking frantic. As she rounded the corner, I slipped into a lesser-known hallway behind a portrait of Merlin.

I could remember bringing Daphne Greengrass back here one day in our fifth year before class and pressing her against the wall, taking her while students scurried up and down the corridor outside, hurrying to class. I could remember exactly how she'd moaned and writhed against me, my hand against her mouth to muffle the sound as I still hadn't mastered a Silencing Charm. I recalled thinking that I wished it was Hermione beneath me…she could do a Silencing Charm already; I'd heard Professor Flitwick boasting about it to Professor McGonagall.

I had come so hard then thinking about riotous brown curls rather than the blonde before me that I'd bruised Greengrass' cheeks where I'd been holding her. Disgusted by the girl before me, I had thrown her a monogrammed handkerchief and taken my leave, shoving a first year across the hall as I emerged.

I had hated myself then and I hated myself now, but for very different reasons. Back then I'd hated myself for wanting a Mudblood, for not being able to get the dirty chit out of my head. Now I hated myself for the prick I had been in an attempt to keep up an image. There was so much I wished I could take back…maybe, if things had been different…maybe I _could_ have had Hermione under me then instead of the Greengrass slut.

Could I have changed, could I have made myself the man she deserved then? I knew the answer was no. At fifteen I had still thought I owned everything, that my family was at the top of the world, honored by the Dark Lord as being his most faithful followers. When he ruled we would have everything we'd ever wanted…

I sickened myself. How could I have been so blind, how could I have thought that what we were doing was right, that Muggle-borns didn't deserve the same as the Purebloods? I had loved Hermione even then and it still hadn't been enough, blinded as I was by my lust for power and privilege. Why didn't I open my eyes sooner? So much could have been different…

The familiar pain took me by surprise and I cried out, hitting the floor, the fire raging through my stomach and out, burning through me, a thousand times worse than the Cruciatus Curse. It had been getting harder and harder to throw off these pains which came more and more as I continued to dwell on my wasted life.

 _Think of Hermione, remember the way her face lit up when she saw you in the Room of Requirement, remember…she loves you…_

The flames dulled, the throbbing pain easing enough to let me breathe. I couldn't stand this anymore. I had to get to Potter; I knew he would do what needed to be done. He alone would understand, he alone could destroy the Dark Lord. And he alone would destroy me.

I stood weakly, having to use the wall for support. I could remember Hermione's arms around me, holding me as the pain had torn through me. I had always hurt more when she was around. A guilty conscious, no doubt. Why hadn't I cherished every second as I should have? Why hadn't I told her then that I loved her, that she was my everything? Why had I so stubbornly pushed her away?

But I knew I had done the right thing, no matter how much it had hurt me then and now. She would not spend her life dreaming for "could-have-beens," pining after her first love, the only man who would ever understand her and love her the way she needed. Instead, she would be angry for a while that she had given her heart to someone who felt nothing for her. Then she would move on, find someone who was deserving of her love.

I had tried so desperately to scare her away; my despicable behavior had disgusted me, even when I knew it was the right thing. But she was made of stronger stuff than I'd anticipated and I was much weaker than I had hoped. Just her vicinity had been enough to make me snap, to make me need her so bad I had to taste her, just to know she was there, she was real. And her response, so perfect, so willing, _eager_ even…it had been more than I could take. Every moment spent in her presence after that first kiss had been exquisite torture.

She was so stubborn, so _fucking_ stubborn and cared far too much. I could remember her sitting in front of my door talking to me, just _talking_ , that mouth always moving, always spouting words of comfort and compassion. How many times had she said those words that had always lifted my heart? _"You're not alone."_ And I wasn't. I had her. I had her after everything I'd done, after everything I'd been through. I still had her. She had always been mine, even if she didn't know it.

It could still make me smile to remember her tackling me and dragging me to the bathroom to get a shower. I had been silently thankful; the smell was starting to bother even me, but I had hoped it would keep her at bay. I should have known that nothing would ever stop Hermione Granger when she set her mind to it.

Just as nothing should be stopping me now. I knew I was stalling. I was scared, I could admit. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live, to see where I could take Hermione, to see how happy I could make her. I wanted to wake up every morning and watch the light explode over her mahogany hair, making all the golden strands within it glisten and to reach my hand up into it, feel the warmth, the softness. To draw my hand over the shell of her ear, caress her smooth cheek, down her neck to her arm, watch her slowly rouse. I wanted to make love to her as the morning birds began their songs, to hear the sound of the ocean pounding the rocks outside as I buried myself inside her, as her arms drew around me. I wanted to be able to nuzzle her hair and kiss her neck, tell her those words I had never allowed myself to proclaim.

No. No, I needed to face up to the present. That was only a dream and I needed to face up to reality. The faster I did this the more prepared Potter and the others would be for when the Dark Lord came.

And so I ran through the halls of the castle I had taken for granted, knowing these would be the last walls I would see, these would be the last breaths I took. I could hear the sounds of children eating in the Great Hall; let that display of life wash over me, the light below like a beacon.

I had just reached the entrance hall when I felt it. The entire school shuddered and terrified screams erupted from the hall. I rushed forward and ripped open the oak front doors and my heart stilled at the sight.

My time was up. They were here.

I could hear the pounding feet of students rushing behind me and turned to see the entrance hall filling in the garish light from the dining room, every eye on me. Some screamed, others just gossiped amongst themselves as teachers tried to urge them back into the Great Hall. The school shook again and chaos reigned as children fell over each other, grabbing friends and looking up at the ceiling crumbling over their heads, fearing it might fall.

 _"Silence!"_ McGonagall's magically magnified voice rang out over the shouts of children. "Everyone back into the Great Hall now! Take a seat at your house table and wait for instruction!"

"Isn't that Draco Malfoy?"

"Malfoy? Here?"

"Yeah, he's over there, I just saw him!"

Cursing, I slunk down and crept toward the door to the kitchens but chanced a glance up when I felt eyes on my back. Potter was striding through the crowd, obviously having heard the conversion of the younger Slytherins who had recognized me. I straightened and nodded toward the door, slipping through before I could cause any more of a commotion.

My heart was pounding as I waited for Potter to join me. This was it. As soon as I told him what I had become…

The castle shuddered again and I was forced to grab the wall to keep from falling over. Potter ripped open the door and strode in.

"You," he accused, his face more hardened than I'd ever seen it. "So, you did sneak in."

A bit obvious at this point, wasn't it? I bit my tongue against the crass remark, however, knowing there was no point in arguing. "Potter, listen to me, we don't have much time. They're here-"

"Wait, you mean Voldemort-"

I flinched at the name as if he'd brandished a lash. I'd always hated how he and Hermione could say the name so carelessly. "Yes, they're outside and we don't have much time. You have to help me-"

"I know what you're going to ask me," Potter said, stalling me. "But I can't do it. Malfoy, look. I know we haven't always been on the best terms-" I snorted at this severe understatement. "-but Hermione is one of my best friends. She's like my sister. And I can't let you do this. She loves you, you can't give up. We both know her; she'll find a way-"

"Potter, I don't think you fully comprehend the situation here!" I thundered as the school rumbled around us and sounds of teachers running through the hall met our ears. _"They are here,_ and the Dark Lord will not leave until retrieves me! Once he has me he will never let me out of his sight. You will never find me, he will take me over, make me into his puppet. I can't fight him off much longer; I can't hold him off forever. Please, Potter," I begged him. "You have to do this. It is the only way to end this. You have to kill me. I know you know where the sword is, you know how to destroy them. If you want to kill the Dark Lord, you have to kill me first."

I could see the indecision in his eyes. I knew he was the one who had to kill the Dark Lord, he knew it as well. I could see the war behind his eyes between his loyalty to his friend and his duty to the world.

"Malfoy…"

"Potter, why are we arguing about this?" I snapped. "You hate me, I'm Death Eater scum. I hurt your best friend, I'm the reason Dumbledore is dead, I'm the reason _Snape_ is dead! I've killed innocent people; I've hurt you and your friends for years! And now I am handing you a chance to take me out, me and the last Horcrux, and you're _debating?"_

"That was all a long time ago!" Potter yelled as we both braced ourselves against another blow to the school's barricades.

"A few months is hardly a long time!"

He eyed me. "I know the shit you've been through, I know what you've been forced to do. I don't blame you, Malfoy. I don't know that I would have done differently in your place. I can't imagine what it's taken for you to come to me, to ask this of me. But I can't just kill you."

 _BOOM!_

I caught Potter's arm before he stumbled into me and yanked him up, shoving him against the wall while dust and pieces of stone fell around us. Screaming filled the hall outside, shouts of _"They're in! They're in! Get back!"_ ringing like a death sentence. I turned my hard eyes to the raven-haired man before me.

"How about now?"

...

XOXO

Rynstar15


	3. The Purgation

Potter looked towards the entrance hall where terrified screams and the thunder of footsteps filled the air. It appeared the children were being evacuated, probably through the vanishing cabinet or one of the secret passages into Hogsmead.

He seemed rooted to the spot, unable to make a decision. His green eyes looked up at me, as I had sprouted up past him the summer after fourth year, and I could see the weight of the burden I placed upon his shoulders. How long had I hated the Boy-Who-Lived? Always the most popular, always the center of attention, and the best friend to the woman I loved. But for once I realized how much he must have gone through in his short life. How much more he still had to do. How did he handle it?

"Potter, don't think of it as killing me, alright?" I said, attempting, for once in my life, to be understanding. "Think of it as-as…setting me free. You can't imagine what it's like. The pain…I can't…I can't do this anymore."

I saw the pity in the bleeding-heart Gryffindor's eyes, almost as if he understood. He started to speak but I cut him off with a shake of my head.

"If you destroy this Horcrux it will be the only good thing I've ever done in my life, the only thing I can give, the only redemption I'll ever find. I need you to do this, Potter. Please."

Potter clenched his jaw. I knew I had gotten to him. His fist clenched and unclenched around his wand as he chewed over my words.

"Where is Hermione?" he asked unexpectedly. "I know she went up to meet you at the Astronomy Tower."

Did these two keep any secrets? "I don't know."

"Did you leave her up there?" I nodded. "Does she know?" Again, I nodded. "And?"

"And _what?_ Potter, the Death Eaters will be in the castle any second! We don't have _time_ for a heart-to-heart here!"

"Malfoy, she deserves a goodbye at least!"

"She deserves to be happy, she deserves to be _alive!_ This is the only way she can be. She won't be very pleased with rotting away in some graveyard because you spent valuable time bull-shitting! Now, _where is the sword?"_

The raven-haired boy scrubbed the back of his head, cursing, turning from me briefly as he weighed my words. When he turned back I could see his resolve cracking.

"Malfoy, I can't-"

"Dammit, Potter, your people are dying out there!" I thundered, waving towards the sounds of the fight beyond, feeling the familiar tug grow stronger as the Death Eaters surged ever closer to the school. "I can help you defeat him, now, before you lose any more. _He won't stop, Potter._ And he'll kill anyone in his way. HE. IS. HERE. We need to end this _NOW!"_

Potter eyed me a moment longer before sighing and dropping his gaze. He swallowed stiffly and his knuckles grew white upon his wand.

"Follow me."

Together we crept back into the Entrance Hall where the last of the students were making their way up the marble staircase and the teachers and a smattering of older students made to hold the double doors shut while shouts of a fight sounded from the grounds.

"Harry!" Neville Longbottom shouted, but I grabbed Potter's elbow and tugged him up the staircase before he could be deterred any longer. Ducking into a deserted corridor, we darted up staircase after staircase, the silence broken only by the slapping of our shoes on the stones and the rumble of war beyond. I pled to any deity listening that Hermione was safe, that she was on her way out with the other students, that someone had dragged her bodily, as I knew that was the only way she would have left. If any of those sick bastards touched a single hair on her head…

I had never felt so helpless. There was nothing I could do to protect her anymore. I would never be able to watch out for her, to help her if she needed it. Who would be there? Potter? Weasley? Could they keep her safe?

Not that she had ever needed help. I could remember the terror that had flooded through my veins watching those Death Eaters making their way toward her at Grimmauld Place, me standing on the fucking roof, unable to do anything. She was being attacked by three Death Eaters and still the only thing on her mind had been me, telling me to stay where I was as I knew at the time I had been about to clamber down from the roof to rescue her. But I had realized then if they saw me she would be in a whole hell of a lot more trouble than she already was. Besides that, I didn't have a wand. What would I do, Muggle-duel them?

So I'd run down the stairs screaming for that magenta haired cousin of mine and I watched helplessly as Hermione crawled toward us, trying to get to us, to me, as that woman shouted spells, holding me bodily back while I clawed at her, trying to get to Hermione. When she was finally there, safe, it was all I could do not to tear her apart and stuff her in my pockets where I could keep a better eye on her. I settled for screaming at her, my fear melting into anger. And when Tonks finally left, I barely made it upstairs before falling on her, releasing all of that panic back into her, needing to feel for myself that she was safe…to know, to have her beneath me, to feel her life…

And then when she was carried in after bolting off to save Fred and George…I had thought she was dead. No one could have survived those burns…that puncture…

She was being Levitated, it was the only way to move her. Her entire back was red, blistered and bleeding, a massive chuck of wood sticking out from it. She was deathly pale beneath the black ash, blood…blood everywhere, her robes in tatters, hair singed. I remembered falling back into the wall as Mrs. Weasley screamed, Tonks floating her up to the drawing room, Mrs. Weasley following at a run. But I couldn't move, I couldn't…

It had taken me several minutes to swallow back the bile, to steady my legs beneath me, before Tonks was yelling at me to help Mrs. Weasley and I dashed to her side as fast as I could.

I still recall perfectly her screams, if you could call them that. The sounds she made as Madam Pomfrey had extricated the wood…they haunt me still. All I could do was talk to her, just talk and talk inside my head because my throat wouldn't work, because I was completely numb with fear. I had held her down, her blood pouring all over my hands and down my front. There was so much of it, so much blood…I had never seen so much come out of one person…and she was so small, so small and so fragile. I had wanted to hold her, but I could barely touch her without hurting her.

Then the wood came out, we sat her up, the movement too much for her weakened body. She'd slumped, Madam Pomfrey's wand fluttering above her, a thin red line appearing above her.

 _Her heart stopped,_ she had said.

Her heart stopped.

Her heart stopped, stilling mine in the process.

I couldn't breathe, my eyes never leaving her now slack face as Madam Pomfrey began screaming orders, the women's blood-covered hands all over Hermione, bright lights bolting through her, making her entire body jerk. Hysterically, I'd thought they were hurting her and nearly attacked them, but then Hermione was sucking in a breath, alive, but so pale, so weak.

 _Hypovolemic shock,_ the nurse had stated, a word which meant nothing to me but one which had stuck with me since. I still had no idea what the medical term meant, all I knew was that it had taken my Hermione, it had nearly taken her from me.

A flurry of words and movement, instructions I followed wordlessly, and then suddenly, it was silent. Hermione had been settled in a room and was sleeping soundly, the room dark, the door closing behind Mrs. Weasley who had placed her pudgy hand on my shoulder before taking her leave. I'd fallen to my knees next to her the moment we were alone, brushing back her hair, a sob threatening to burst forth. I fought it back, taking her small, bandaged hand with my left, placing the back of my right hand against her nose and lips to feel her breathing, my forehead against hers, pleading with her not to stop, _please don't stop,_ because if she did…I couldn't think about it. All I could think were those three words over and over. _Please, don't stop._

When Potter and Weasley arrived, pale-faced and frantic, I hadn't wanted to leave her but I couldn't let them know…so I snuck in every chance I could, just to be near her, just to watch her breathe in and out because if she stopped…if she didn't survive…

But she did. Once again, she had proved herself the strongest person I'd ever met. The most resilient. It drove me mad that she was so ready to get moving, to get back out there to help, to save the next Verity that came along. Couldn't she see that the most important thing was to keep _herself_ safe? But of course she couldn't, she was the most selfless person I knew.

I, however, was the singularly most selfish. For the moment she was well enough, I had to have her. I had to claim her then, before anything else tried to tear us apart. She had almost said those words, those words I had needed to hear, but were far too dangerous to be uttered. Every fiber of my being had wanted her say them, to tell her back, to finally put aside all the lies. But I couldn't. I couldn't put her in more danger, couldn't put her in the position I was in now. Because if she said those words I wouldn't be able to stop myself from keeping her, from dragging her deep into the mountains, into hiding where we could be forever. And since I knew that could never happen, it was best if she thought I was as detached as possible, best if we could share that love silently.

And we had. Not a word had been uttered, save for one. Her name had fallen from my lips as we came together, bridging the void I forced between us, just for a moment, allowing her to see past my barriers, to see what I held beneath. It had been…perfect. I was in a complete daze the entire time; my entire being focused on every moment of cherishing every piece of her I could. I had waited a lifetime for that moment, and it was the single most incredible experience of my life. I had tried to draw it out as long as possible, but I'd wanted her for so long…

The instant I knew she had waited for me…no words could explain. She was mine, only mine. Forever. No one would ever have her the way I had her. No one could ever be more in love than we were.

And nothing could ever be more dangerous. I had been reminded of this cruel fact not minutes afterward as headquarters was invaded and I was once again helpless, forced to wait on the sidelines while Hermione risked her life. She had barricaded me in; I couldn't even get out the window. All I could do was pace and beat my fists on the door, waiting, hoping, worrying, listening to the screams emanating from below.

Then she'd saved my life. Again. The Dark Lord had broken his way through me and I was fighting him off trying to protect the people downstairs by showing him scenes of anywhere else, make him believe I wasn't there. I'd been ripped to the present when Hermione had burst into my room, her eyes wide with fear, her long hair flying out behind her. I didn't even have time to think before she was shoving me to the window, yelling at me to get to the roof, and I couldn't do anything but trust her. I hated leaving her in that room where Death Eaters were flooding in, but I knew she was too weak to heave herself up alone and I was just barely able to rip her out of there on time.

She was extraordinary. I was in complete shock, my head swimming between the scene before us and the scene through the Dark Lord's eyes. He was so close I couldn't think, I couldn't see, he was taking me over…

When she'd thrown us off the roof I thought we were done for, but she'd Apparated in midair and saved us at the last moment. Could she _be_ anymore invincible?

But indeed, she could. She had been sore, bone-tired, injured, but instead of sitting and resting, she'd moved around the living room at the Weasley's house fixing everybody up, healing their wounds, working on Longbottom until she nearly passed out. If I hadn't stopped her she probably would have. She had barely recovered herself and there she was, post-battle taking care of everyone else while they all sat around just expecting her to. It had pissed me off watching them just _sit_ there while she did all the work. Was that how it always was? Did she ever get a break?

Of course not. Because who came up to tell me about my father? That sick bastard who had tortured Hermione…if Potter hadn't gotten to him first, I would have. I couldn't deny the sinking feeling I'd felt upon seeing my sire fall in her memory, his grey eyes wide, but it was no better than he deserved. I would never forget the beatings, the shouts that I would never be good enough, that I was a disappointment, that I disgraced the Malfoy name for letting that Mudblood beat me at every class, for letting Potter beat me at Quidditch. I had never been good enough, never smart enough, fast enough, strong enough. The only time I had made him proud had been the worst moment of my life and was the reason I was even now climbing through the halls of Hogwarts towards my death. I would end like my father, but I took small comfort in knowing I would die with dignity, doing what I could to repair the damage my family had wrought.

Potter and I finally came to a stop in front of the gargoyles leading up to the headmaster's-well, I supposed _headmistress'_ now-office and Potter turned to me.

"Are you sure about this? Are you absolutely certain you are the last Horcrux?" he asked, his doubt-filled eyes hard upon mine.

"It's not exactly something one tends to overlook."

"I just want to be sure-"

"Let's just get on with this, Potter," I snapped gruffly. All these thoughts about Hermione were making me lose my nerve. I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to keep control of my body. I could feel the Dark Lord drawing nearer, as if he had hooked a wire around my navel, something was trying to pull me to him. As the gargoyles split apart and Potter began to ascend the circular staircase I found I couldn't move, my body holding me back.

A wrenching agony tore through me and I doubled over, clenching my stomach, the Dark Lord's voice ringing through my head.

 _Give up your charade now, boy, and I may absolve you. Bring me Potter and all will be forgiven. Bring him to me now. Reach up your hand, grab him now._

Horrified, I found my hand beginning to snake up towards Potter who was at my side, clutching my shoulder, asking me if I was alright. How did I get on my knees…?

"Have to…hurry…" I grated out, dragging my arm back to my side, pulling myself out from the black, swirling mist. I had to stay in the present, just a little bit longer. "Potter…help me…"

He grabbed my arm and threw it around his shoulders as I cried out in pain again, the Dark Lord's wrath burning through me.

"He's…close…" I grunted. "In…in the school…"

I head Potter swear as he dragged me up the staircase, not waiting for the winding contraption to ease us up. Stronger than he looked as I outweighed him by at least fifty pounds, he pulled me into the circular room where I dropped to the floor panting. I watched him step up to a case on the wall which held the gleaming sword. He looked at me as if asking permission.

 _Grab the boy, Draco, and all will be well. Think of what we can do…_

"Come on, Potter…" I puffed, the flames licking my insides. "We don't have time…just…do it…"

Slowly he reached his hand through the case as if it were no more than air and raised the sword from its plinth, singing as it scraped against the stone wall behind it. He turned to face me where I lay breathless on the floor. I looked up at him, my grim reaper, my resolution. It was almost unbelievable what my life had come to. Just a too-skinny boy with messy hair and a scarred head holding a sword nearly as big as he was, that's all it would take for my time to be over.

My heart pounded as if begging to escape its prison, knowing its end was here. I barely repressed the urge to scuttle away, to run, to find Hermione and hide and live forever in her arms.

"Tell…" I swallowed, fighting to keep a tremor from my voice. I could see the swarm of students and teachers in the hall, standing up, fighting me, preventing me from passing…

I yanked myself back to the room, to where Potter was staring at me apprehensively. I shook my head, clearing it. I had to get these words out, these last ones. "Tell Hermione…I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be the man she deserved. Tell her I do this…for her. It's always been for her. Please…promise me…"

"I promise," Potter said, his voice rough, his face wan.

"Take…take care of her," I begged. I wished my heart would slow…terror was rushing through me. What would happen? Would it hurt? Where would I go?

"I will."

"I love her."

"I know."

I nodded. As long as he knew…it was enough that Potter knew. I locked eyes with the man I had spent nearly half my short life trying to beat, knowing that I would finally lose everything to him.

I sat up. I swallowed. "Do it."

He stepped up to me, the sword still at his side. "Malfoy, I don't know how to thank you…"

"You can thank me by making it quick," I answered curtly.

"I wish there was another way."

"So do I."

"I'm sorry."

"Just get on with it."

He nodded. "Is there anything else-?"

"JUST DO IT, POTTER!"

Gripping the sword with both hands he raised it high above his head, his knuckles white on the ruby-studded hilt. Endless seconds passed between us, our eyes locked, our lives hovering over a hell no one should ever know. Understanding, acceptance, and respect were shared and I nodded one last time, giving him his final permission. He let out an almighty roar, bringing it down. I slammed my eyes shut, wanting Hermione's face the last thing I would ever see…

A high-pitched scream rent the air and a loud thud was met by yelling and a clatter. I opened my eyes to see the Weasley girl and Longbottom standing above me, both of them covered in blood. Confused, I looked to the left and there Potter was sprawled, Hermione on top of him, the sword laying forgotten on the floor.

For a moment I couldn't think, all I could see was blood and a shaken Potter push Hermione over until she was on her back, crying out, her red-stained hands pressed to her side, trembling. Her robes were torn, the shirt underneath soaked black by the blood pouring out of a gaping wound…

"Draco!" she cried out, trying to sit up, her face twisted in agony. I shoved Potter aside and knelt next to her, my hands at the wound, attempting to hold it shut, to stem the blood. I was in a nightmare, it was happening all over again. I was dead, this was hell, it must be, I couldn't be losing her, not after everything…

"No," was all I was able to say, my mind blank with fear. There was so much blood…just like before… _hypovolemic shock…_ "No, no you can't…Hermione…"

"Draco…" she sobbed, her tiny hands grabbing at my robes, her eyes, glazed with pain, meeting mine. "You don't…don't have to…I f-figured… _argh!_ "

"Help her!" I screamed at the room at large, my eyes never leaving her, blood pouring down my front, just like before...

"We t-tried!" the red-haired girl sobbed, kneeling at her feet. "She-she took my wand and s-sealed the worst of it…b-but it won't stop…she had to come to you, she begged me!"

"Get her to the hospital wing," I snapped murderously. "St. Mungo's, anywhere. Get her help, get her out of here!"

"No!" Hermione cried, grasping at the front of my robes. "No, Draco, listen to me!"

"Longbottom, take her!" I shouted hysterically, my hands shaking so hard, squishing with the blood that ran between my fingers. I looked back up to her face, my hand brushing her hair back, smearing red.

"No, Draco, listen! There isn't much time," she begged, her eyes wild, her face deathly pale. "You don't have t-to die, you can get r-rid of the Horcrux b-by yourself…" she panted as if the words exerted her.

"What are you saying?" I asked weakly. My brain didn't seem to want to work through my fear induced fog.

"Remorse," she said, looking into my eyes. "Draco, you need to regret what…what you've done. Not only what _you've_ done, but what Voldemort has done. You…you need to regret killing Snape, you n-need to regret…everything…let it fill you up. It's d-dangerous…it's never been done before, but the books say…I _know_ it will work."

I looked up at the others who all looked just as confused as me. Was she addled from the wound?

"The only way a person can restore a piece of their soul…to their body…is by remorse," she explained, swallowing, her breaths choppy and shallow. "It's s-supposed to be so difficult it could... But if you can do this…if you can push him out…I think you can return Voldemort's soul to his b-body. You have a piece of him in you; you can use it to your ability. T-these pains you've been having…before each one…were you regretting something?"

I thought back, realization hitting me like a brick wall. "Yes…"

"Draco, you can do this," Hermione encouraged, pushing herself up against all of our protests, the rest of the color falling from her face, placing her ice-cold, blood-slick hand on my cheek. "I know it's in you. You can't let him take over. Push him out. Do it…for me."

I gazed down at her, broken and bleeding, but still saving my life, even after everything I'd done to push her away. How could I ever explain my feelings for her? I broke, grabbing her up and kissing her, drawing her strength, needing her near. Her lips moved so sweetly against mine, the feel of them like coming home. I shuddered, fear consuming me- for her, for my own life, for the entire damn world under the Dark Lord's reign. My fingers twisted in her curls as I dove into her mouth again and again, telling her without words what she meant, that I was doing this for her.

I pulled away when I was steady enough, resting my forehead against hers, looking into those familiar brown eyes.

"Stay with me," I pled, my voice cracking. There was so much blood… "Please. Promise you'll stay with me. You're all I have left."

She smiled, so beautiful I ached. "I will if you will."

I nodded. This was my last chance, if this didn't work…

No, Hermione was even now risking her life so that I might live. I could do this, I _had_ to do this, for her, to show her that there was nothing I wouldn't do.

I took a steadying breath and allowed the dark to swallow me.

I could feel him; he was everywhere, taking over my body, my mind. I could see his eyes, those evil red slits that consumed me, that tried to take away everything I had ever wanted. I faced him and allowed myself to feel every nuance of guilt that had ever assailed me, remembered every horrible deed I had committed, every wrong choice, every atrocious endeavor…and I regretted it. I repented my every failing, lamented ever joining the Dark Lord. The anguish ripped through me, stronger than ever, threatening to undo me, to tear me at the seams. The dark rippled and I reached for it, trying to pull it out, but it burned, seared, slashed through me, dragging me under. I clawed up, toward the light, toward Hermione, gripping that black, pushing…pushing…

And it pushed back, shoving me mercilessly into the depths of that fire, a roaring filling my ears as flames pulled me down…down…down…

No, I refused to give up. She was waiting for me, she needed me. The pain devoured me until I could barely think. _Get out,_ I told the dark. _You don't belong here. I am better than you, you will never win._

A high, cold laugh filled me, shoving fear into my heart. _Draco, Draco, you_ are _me. You are no different than me. You strive for that power; you thirst for it as I do. I can give it to you. I can give you everything you've ever wanted, everything you deserve…_

And then I could see me, standing there, above everyone, their backs bent, bowing to my strength and my splendor. Glory, such as I had never known. I could have it.

 _You will be rewarded above all others. Everything you have ever imagined will be yours. The patriarch of the Malfoy name, the finest of them all. You can do anything, have anything. I will even allow you to keep the Mudblood. That's what you want, isn't it? You want her, and you can have her. A mansion of your own where you can keep her and no one will ever say a word against you, because you_ are _the word, the law. You will rule, Draco. By my side, there is nothing we cannot do. Together, we will conquer death, conquer life. Lord Malfoy…_

I could see it, I could see it now. The pictures he painted, planted inside me…everything I'd ever wanted. No longer was I overshadowed by the man whom I could never please, but a world above, feared and admired by all. And Hermione…I could have Hermione…

But she would be holed away, shut out from her family and friends…how could I do that to her?

No, no he's a liar, he lies…

 _No, Draco. I am everything you have ever wanted. You can be that person._

No, no I don't want this, I don't want to be him. He ruins families, kills…I'M NOT THIS PERSON!

 _Yes, you are, Draco! Embrace it, embrace your future!_

"NOOOOOO!"

I allowed thoughts of Hermione to fill me, thoughts of hope, of happiness, of the goodness I had deep inside me. The knowledge that I didn't have to be like this, that I had it in me to change, to be a better man. I allowed those thoughts to tear at that dark, the agony rendering me useless as the battle waged on. I felt myself slipping, my strength sapping beneath the fury of the Dark Lord…

"Draco listen to me, listen…I love you." A different voice, _her_ voice, Hermione… "Please, please, you c-can do this, it will be alright. P-push him out, he doesn't belong there, he d-doesn't own you. Y-you're going to make it through this. Please…please, you h-have to make it through this. I need you, I need you here."

She was crying. Why was she crying? I had to get to her, to help her.

 _No, Draco! Do not listen to her! She lies, she wants to take away everything you've ever worked for!_

No, no, Hermione never lied. She never lied to me. She always tried to help me, to save me. She loves me. And she needs me.

With one last roar, I filled my being with remorse, Severus' face as he fell floating in front of me. Sadness filled my heart at his loss and I envisioned myself raising the wand, saying the words, watching him drop, regretting, shoving that ball of black from me…

And dropped into the dark.

…

XOXO

RynStar15


	4. The Battle

The first thing that registered in my mind was a pair of brilliant green eyes behind black rimmed glasses.

The second was a sharp sting right above my bounding heart.

The third was a throbbing pain radiating throughout my body and…silence.

 _Holy shit._

I was alive.

I was alive and I couldn't hear anything except for my racing heart and Potter's labored breath. No voice, no taunting evil. I felt…light.

I had to clear my throat before I spoke, licking my dry lips. "Potter, is there a reason you are pressing a rather large sword into my chest?"

He didn't move immediately, just panted above me, sweat collecting at his temples, his weight pressed against Gryffindor's sword which just so happened to be placed directly above my heart. After a few tense moments he straightened, the sword falling to his side with a loud _clang_.

"Precaution," he croaked, swallowing.

"I'm going to presume since you are not rending me through that you believe the Horcrux is gone?" I asked from my position on the floor. My head was still aching and I wasn't altogether sure I could stand on my own. Thankfully Potter seemed to deduce this and lowered his hand to me which I took and he pulled me to my feet. I swayed as the room swam before me and I had to press the heel of my hand against my forehead as it swirled into place.

"Yeah, it's gone," he said breathlessly, keeping a cautionary hand on my shoulder which I was silently thankful for. "You alright?"

"That would be a debatable choice of words, but I suppose it will do seeing as I haven't joined my father on your hit list," I quipped as the headmistress's dark office came into view and the sounds of battle slowly filled my ears. Looking around it seemed the torches had gone out; the only light that of the moon flooding in through a large window. I noticed the dark stain on the floor at my feet and it only took me a moment to remember what it was.

"Hermione," I panicked, looking around for her, the room empty but for Potter and me.

"Neville took her to Madam Pomfrey," Potter explained, stilling me as I had made to search the office.

"Is she-"

"She's fine, I just didn't want her around in case I had to, you know…"

"Stab me? Yeah, thanks for that. I can't imagine she was overly cooperative with that decision?"

"Don't worry, Neville caught her when I Stunned her."

I chuckled and Potter grinned. A scream tore the amiable moment apart and we turned toward the open door, drawing our wands.

"Guess this is it," Potter said, seeming to steel himself. He turned to me and I saw his Adam's apple bob. He was pale in the moon-washed light. He held out a hand which trembled slightly. "Thanks for your help."

I nodded stiffly, taking it, shaking the hand of the man who was supposed to be my executioner. What could I say to him when I knew who he was going out there to fight?

"Do you think he knows?" I asked. Could the Dark Lord feel his soul being returned to his body?

"Only one way to find out."

We took off down the spiral staircase together, an impossible partnership. It seemed the fight had moved its way up and was now raging out into the corridor beyond. I threw my arm out to stop Potter and peeked through the entrance where the gargoyles had been blasted by a wayward curse. Weasley was shouting spells at Amycus Carrow, the blonde girl, Luna, was dueling Alecto further down the hall. Ginny Weasley was on the ground battling Rowle and Crabbe. I shot a Stunner at Crabbe and watched him drop, then slashed down Rowle as Ginny looked around for her defender. Weasley succeeded in tying up Amycus but hit the ground from a spell shot by someone down the hall I couldn't see. Ginny screamed for her brother and took on the fight with the unknown Death Eater.

"Potter, do you have your invisibility cloak?" I asked, holding him back as he made to get past me.

"What are you playing at, Malfoy?" he cried. "Let me through!"

I grabbed the front of his robes and spun him around, shoving him against the wall. "Potter, listen! This will only end once he's dead! You have a job to do! Leave this to me and go find the Dark Lord!"

His head snapped up when Ginny screamed again but hardened his jaw and nodded, digging the cloak out from an inside pocket and throwing it on.

"I'll create a diversion," I told him as he disappeared before my eyes. I wondered how many times he might have slipped passed me during school with that damn thing. "Do not tarry, I don't want to wait to see how many of his army comes to join the party."

With that, I leaned out the door and pointed my wand up the corridor away from the others and shouted _"Reducto!"_ The explosion shook the entire hall and everyone still standing covered their heads and I felt Potter slip past me.

Ginny hit the floor before me and I shielded her from a curse. Rushing forward, I helped her up and dove into the fray. I saw Dolohov dueling with the prefect Weasley…Perry or something. I watched as he was hit by a spell and flew back, smashing into the wall, his horn-rimmed glasses flying off his face, blood dripping from his mouth. I moved in.

"Evening, Dolohov," I chimed, wand raised.

"You! You traitor!" he spat.

"Astute."

We battled, flinging curse after curse after curse at each other, my fury rising. Dolohov had always been a sick man, his twisted face always lighting in pleasure as he tortured. And I remembered him boasting that he'd injured "that Mudblood bitch" during the Ministry fiasco.

"This is for even thinking you could touch her!" I screamed, knowing he had no idea what I meant and not caring. The image of him standing over a young Hermione, torturing her, was more than I could bear. _"Avada Kedavra!"_

He dropped where he stood. I moved on.

The battle was endless. The Death Eaters brought in the Inferi, which I soon found out most of the Order had no clue how to fight as Inferi didn't react to normal spells. I struggled down to where they flooded the entrance hall and screamed at everyone to get back, creating a lasso of fire to catch a few and flinging them back onto the grounds. Others took my example and we were able to encase them in a cage of flames where they screamed as they burned, the smell of their rotting flesh filling the air to mingle with the shrieks of those still engaged in the fight.

I watched helplessly as four giants punched the walls and windows of the castle, reaching in to pull people out, not caring if they were Order members or otherwise, until they were finally beaten back by a group of dragons ridden by a handful of witches and wizards, a spectacular sight as I never seen tamed dragons before. One of them was manned by a red-haired man I could only assume was another Weasley. Intrigued as I was by the mystical sight, I paid the price of my stationary position and was hit with a rogue Impediment Jinx and thrown backwards, smashing into a piece of fallen mortar. Stunned, I watched the dragons circling overhead, watched how the riders worked them and was most fascinated until a shout caught my attention and I shook my head to clear it.

Shooting to my feet, I hurried back into the entrance hall and saw Longbottom dueling none other than my precious Aunt Bella. So, it seemed Hermione hadn't killed her. It was a shame, to be sure.

"Ooooh, Longbottom! You wish to join your parents, do you?" Bellatrix crooned. "Show me what you've got, boy!"

He dueled, fighting as I had never seen him before. Longbottom had always been the butt of jokes for his woeful wand-work; I was usually the one behind them. But he seemed to be filled with a sudden thirst for the fight. I stepped up and attempted to assist him but he shoved me aside.

"This is my fight!" he screamed and Aunt Bella hissed at my arrival.

"Draco! What are you doing?"

"What I should have done long ago," I grunted, nodding to the incised boy beside me. "Go on, Longbottom, finish her off."

 _"Incarcerous!"_

Ropes lashed around a screaming Bellatrix and she hit the floor. Of course he wouldn't think to kill. He wasn't sick like me. Too bad for Aunt Bella, though, I had no intention of allowing her to remain breathing.

Stepping past Longbottom, I walked slowly up to her and gazed down at her twisted face. She looked sicker than I had ever seen her before. At least Hermione had done some damage. And to think, she had once been so beautiful. But evil had perverted her, as it had most Death Eaters.

"Draco! Untie me!" she sputtered, thrashing against her restraints.

"I don't think so, Aunt Bella." I saw Longbottom jerk at these words, realization dawning in his eyes.

"Draco, what are you doing?" she shrieked, spittle flying from her cracked lips. "You are ruining everything! Get back to the Manor where you belong!"

"This is where I belong," I said. And for the first time, I actually believed it. How could I have ever thought myself like this demented creature? "And you…you belong in hell. Goodbye, Aunt Bella."

Her eyes widened in fear. "Draco…"

"This is for Hermione," I grated out, anger pulsating through me. _"Avada Kedavra!"_

Her terrified eyes glazed over and her body slumped against her bonds. My heart squeezed for one infinitesimal moment as I recalled one cold December morning when she had slipped me forbidden sweets after my father had beat me for crashing my toy broom into mother's favorite lamp. But then the moment passed and I saw the hatred which failed to depart her dirty features even in death.

I straightened and turned to Longbottom who was ashen-faced. I clapped his shoulder. "You did well."

"Malfoy…I-I didn't realize she was your aunt…"

"Don't worry about it, Longbottom. Move on."

I took one last look at my deceased relative and made my way to the marble staircase, half of it had been blasted away, and began dueling Mulciber whose black eyes bulged with fury at my betrayal. As I moved in for the kill, I was stopped dead in my tracks.

 _"Voldemort is dead,"_ Potter's voice boomed out, shaking dust from the broken ceiling, everyone around me stilling in their actions as well. _"Surrender now or join your former master."_

I felt like my chest had deflated. Could it be? Was it true? Was he really…dead? I looked around and everyone seemed to be wondering the same thing, wands trained on their opponents, the hall frozen in indecision.

That was until Potter strode in the front door, Levitating the Dark Lord's limp body and dropping it in the middle of the Entrance Hall.

Silence ensued, and then all around the clatter of wands rang through the air as they hit the stone, the Death Eaters surrendering, their opponents binding them. Mulciber glared at me before finally throwing his wand at my feet. I quickly tied the coward up and threw him to the nearest Auror before bounding down the steps, pushing through the growing crowd, stopping next to the still body of a man I had once called my master. Broken, motionless, his serpentine face still made my heart catch in fear.

Glancing up I caught Potter's eye from where he stood, dirty, tired, bleeding in several places. His face was rigid, his stature one of complete control. The knuckles of his right hand were white where they clutched his wand; his robes were billowing slightly by the glacial breeze sweeping the entrance hall from the broken front doors. His eyes were haunted, hard. Though small and skinny, I had never seen a more formidable man in my entire life. He was every inch the hero.

And at that moment, that silent moment in which everyone was still, floored by the events of the night, I caught Potter's gaze and realized why he had always been beloved by all.

Because he, Harry Potter, The Chosen One, had just single-handedly saved the world.

...

LissaDream: Is it perverse that it makes me happy that my story makes you cry? :P I'm glad you're enjoying, I can't wait to see your reactions to the next chapters!

everlastingtrueromance: Holy crap, all in one day?! That must have taken a while! Glad to have you on board, I'm flattered by your dedication!

tacocopter: Thank you so much! It means a lot that you enjoy my writing. BTW, your penname is amazing, it makes me super happy!

Guest(s): Thank you so much for taking the time to review, I am so happy to have you along for the ride!

XOXO

RynStar15


	5. The Resolution

As the crowds grew and Potter was swept up in the throng, I turned and ran the up the broken steps, winding through the victors dragging their captors down to the Entrance Hall, several still putting up a fight. I had eyes for none of them. There was only one person who filled my thoughts now.

I burst into the hospital wing and was nearly ill. The sight, the grisly smell, was almost more than I could bear. Injured people overflowed the enlarged room, some sitting or lying on the floor, every bed filled, Madam Pomfrey flying around like a madwoman as the injured screamed in agony.

It took me several moments to find her, bustled around as I was by the flood of people, the cries of the dying jarring me deeper than I cared to admit. I finally caught sight of her, lying on a bed near the middle of the room, blood soaked sheets puddled around her. I weaved between the masses to Hermione where she lay- still, pale, but breathing. She was alive. Relief such as I had never known flooded through me, sapping me of what remaining energy I had and I sank to my knees next to her, my eyes never leaving her wan face for a moment. She lived. It was over. And we were both alive.

These thoughts penetrated my frazzled mind and I reached out to touch her cheek. It was warm and I could feel her soft breath against my dirt and blood covered fingers. I was shocked to realize my hand was shaking.

A heart-wrenching scream tore through the air, rising above the others and I jerked around to see a hysterical woman who had thrown herself over a man whose empty eyes were wide, a pool of blood spreading around him on the tile floor. Several people rushed forward to pry the screaming woman away while a man on the other side of the room roared in pain, another man bursting into the hospital wing carrying a boy who could be no more than sixteen, crying for help. Everywhere I turned was confusion and desperation, blood and bile and bodies of the broken innocents who had given themselves to save others.

I was bone tired and wished nothing more than to lie next to Hermione and never move again, but I remembered how Hermione had nursed everyone after the battle at headquarters and I knew what I had to do. Taking a deep breath, I leaned over and kissed Hermione on the forehead and with one last look at her serene face, I sought out Madam Pomfrey.

"How can I help?"

She looked as though she might cry as she straightened from winding gauze around the Weasley prefect's head. "Oh, my dear! Can you please start with Mr. Finnigan at the end there? He's got a broken leg. The spell is _Episkey!_ "

I recognized the sandy-haired Gryffindor and weaved my way through the disorder towards him. His face was pale and both hands clutched his left knee which was pointed in an odd angle toward his other leg, the bone sticking out through his trousers. I kneeled next to him and he looked up, blood caking the side of his face.

"Malfoy?" he asked, bewildered.

"That would be me," was my witty response, swallowing past the nauseated lump which had formed in my throat at the gruesome sight. I pointed to his mangled knee. "Mind?"

I fixed my first bones, handed out potions, wrapped wounds, and finally helped several other wizards with extending the wing and conjuring more beds to hold everyone.

When I looked up from a pretty dark girl whose name was Angelina, I noticed that a weak light was starting to creep up on the horizon. It was morning.

"Malfoy!"

I turned to the voice and stood as I saw Potter snaking his way toward me. He held out his hand. I looked down at him, incredulous. He just continued to hold it out, his gaze never wavering, until I took it.

"Well, Potter," I said, smirking. "Looks like you've saved the day. Again."

"Couldn't have done it without you. I can't thank you enough for everything," he said, gesturing around the room. "You made all this possible."

I said nothing. How could I take credit for something I hardly had any control over?

For a moment, we stood there awkwardly. What did you say to the man you had loathed for nearly seven years who had just saved the world?

"How is Hermione?" Potter finally asked to break the tension.

"Resting," I said, nodding over to her. I had checked on her every twenty minutes or so and she had yet to move. Despite Madam Pomfrey's constant reassurance that this was good, it meant she was healing well, I was still nervous. I wanted her eyes open, I wanted to hear her voice, to hear her reassurance so I could know, truly know…

"She'll be all right. She's been through worse," Potter said soothingly, walking over to her side. He took her hand and I felt a sudden surge of jealousy. He looked up at me. "What are you going to tell her?"

I attempted to stamp down the roiling envy of their easy relationship. "About what?"

"About what you told me in McGonagall's office. I don't want to see her hurt again," Potter said seriously. It seemed I was going to have to get used to Potter's protective relationship with Hermione. I would have to remind myself that they were probably much closer than the average friendship because of everything they had been through. But this was good, I told myself. It was comforting to know she would always have someone to turn to.

His question, however, was wholly unsettling. As much as I wanted Hermione to wake, to see her eyes looking up at me so I could finally _know_ she was alright, a piece of me feared that moment more than anything. Because when she woke…everything would become real. And I had no idea what I was going to do about it.

Although Potter needn't know this fact. "I'll deal with it."

He nodded and dropped the subject. As he stood to leave I stopped him.

"Can I ask you one question?"

"Sure."

"How good is she at holding grudges?"

...

Hermione woke just before noon, mewling like a kitten. I jumped up from where I'd been slouched in a chair next to her in a near-comatose state for more than an hour after Mrs. Weasley had forced me to take a shower and eat breakfast. As she slowly roused, I settled on the side of her bed and watched her blink confusedly in the weak February light that streamed in from the high windows. She looked around for a moment then made to sit up.

"No, it's best you stay down," I said, easing her back, noting my once-more trembling hands. She looked up at me and her eyes widened.

"Draco."

Her voice was barely above a whisper but it shot through me like a lance. Her tone was clear as day: she had not expected me to be sitting here. My chest twisted with understanding. Of course she would be shocked. I had been nothing but resentful and cold towards her, besides the very few instances I'd had her in my arms. She had no reason to believe I cared for her at all. But it didn't matter now; I could easily spend the rest of my life showing her, if that was what it took.

For I'd realized while watching the anguish-filled faces of those who'd lost loved ones that there was nothing in this world that would keep me from Hermione now. We'd made it through years of disparity, my own abysmal behavior, and even a war. I loved her more fiercely with every passing moment and though I was more terrified at the prospect of nothing standing between us than I had ever been of my father's rage, I knew that I couldn't live without her. I wouldn't let her fall through my fingers, not after everything I had done to get us here to this very moment. She was mine, whether she liked it or not.

"How are you?" I finally asked. She furrowed her brow confusedly.

"I'm not sure," she answered quietly, raising a weak hand to rub her eye. She was silent for a few moments and I racked my brain for something to say, but my nerves had cleanly wiped my brain of any rational thought. She looked up at me suddenly, her eyes accusatory. "What are you doing here?"

Straight to the chase, then.

"I didn't want you to wake up alone," I answered truthfully. If I was honest with myself I was simply pleased to have said anything at all sensible. How could I be so scared of a person so small? But I was petrified of her, of the fact that she possessed the ability to wound me more thoroughly than the Dark Lord ever had. And the fact that I couldn't blame her if she did.

Her face was guarded as she nodded. "That was very thoughtful of you."

In a sudden burst of courage, I reached for her hand, still stained with blood, and wrapped it in both of mine. It was so small…how could it wield such power? How could she hold my heart in that tiny appendage?

"Hermione," I started. I hadn't realized how hard this would be, how difficult it would be to get the words from my heart to my brain to my mouth. Couldn't I just have another go with the Dark Lord and call it good? Looking at the beautiful woman before me, covered in blood, bruised and beaten, tired and weak…she scared me more than those scarlet eyes ever had. I sucked in a breath and looked deep into her eyes.

And panicked.

"I'm glad you're alright," I stammered hurriedly, mentally kicking myself.

"Oh." She still looked confused and glanced around. Then she gasped wildly and pushed herself up, wincing.

"You really shouldn't be up-" I worried, my hands going to help her when she swayed.

"Draco, you, the Horcrux," she panted, grasping her wound, all color falling from her face as realization dawned. "Are you-? And Harry? What happened?"

"Er, hang on. Potter!" I called out. I definitely was not explaining everything on my own. He looked up and excused himself from Weasley, who had suffered a run-in with Fenrir Greyback, apparently in an attempt to avenge his eldest brother, to jog up to me. I met him at the foot of her bed.

"She's awake?" he asked as a greeting.

"And wanting answers."

"Sounds like her. Does she remember anything from last night?"

"Er…I don't know, I didn't really say anything. I thought it would be best if you explained things to her," I stated lamely. Coward.

Potter looked at me curiously. "What _did_ you say to her?"

I dug my hands into the pockets of my robes and shifted guiltily. "Nothing much."

"Right…" he said, obviously working hard on not prying. "Well, I'll take over from here, then. Remus is looking for you in the Great Hall."

"Right."

"Right."

We stood there awkwardly again and with one last glance at a frantic Hermione, I strode past him feeling more foolish than ever.

I made my way through the school, which was in various states of repair, and entered the disheveled Great Hall. The graying werewolf was leaning his hands on the only table that had been mended, the rest lying in shards around the hall as several witches and wizards moved about, restoring the room. He and several others were talking lowly; compiling what looked to be a rather long list.

"Er, Professor Lupin?" I asked nervously, not wanting to interrupt him. Everyone at the table looked up at me and I had the feeling I was being scrutinized very meticulously.

"I haven't been your professor for four years, Draco," he said kindly, standing and passing the parchment to the witch next to him. "Call me Remus." He turned to Tonks and kissed her cheek. "We'll finish this when I get back." She nodded and I noticed she was crying. In fact, every person around the table was either dabbing at streaming faces with handkerchiefs or else had red-rimmed eyes from fighting back tears. Remus nodded at me to follow and he limped out onto the grounds.

He looked rather the worse for wear, his robes more torn than ever, a bandage just visible at the crux of his left shoulder and neck. The sun was straining through some rather bleak looking clouds, throwing the dark circles under his eyes into deep contrast. The scene before me fared no better.

The devastations of war were evident across the grounds. The once pristine snow was packed and muddied, blood soaking through much of it, stone and debris littered back to the Quidditch pitch which had been demolished by one of the rampaging giants. Hogsmead was in ruins and I hadn't even been aware the battle had spilled into the tiny village.

The forest was also looking rather worn; trees ripped from the ground, crushed, several parts smoldering slightly. I could see the now one-armed Weasley and a couple dozen others tending to wounded dragons in an erected paddock close to the lake. Hagrid was tugging his belongings from the still-slightly smoking hut while centaurs weaved in and out of trees, clearing the forest of the fallen. One giant was still on the grounds and rounded the school, his arms full of broken castle wall, creating a pile. I watched him wearily, wondering why no one had seized this rogue brute yet until Lupin spoke.

"That is Hagrid's half-brother," he explained, noticing where my gaze was trained. "I don't know what we would have done without him last night."

I nodded. Apparently, I had entered a world where they not only made friends with half-breeds, but magical creatures as well. Did these people not know how volatile giants could be?

As if he could hear my thoughts Lupin chuckled. "I assure you, Hagrid has him very well-mannered. He's speaking in full sentences now. Well, almost full."

"Wait, he speaks _English?_ " I asked incredulously.

"He does indeed."

Nothing more was said on the subject as we gazed around the devastated grounds.

"I can't imagine what it cost you to do what you did," he finally said in a quiet voice. "Dumbledore told us numerous times not to underestimate you, and I am sorry to say I believe we all did. Well," he smiled. "Perhaps not Hermione. She does have a knack for seeing what others do not, doesn't she?"

I didn't have anything to say. I doubted whether anyone in this world would really understand what went on behind those chocolate eyes of hers. Not even me.

"Draco, none of this would have been possible without you. You understand that, don't you?" Lupin turned to me and looked at me seriously. "I can't begin to fathom Voldemort's methods of persuasion. I can imagine that they are most compelling, however."

My jaw clenched as I remembered my personal battle in the headmistress' office. Yes, they were.

"I can only tell you how very thankful the rest of us are that you were strong enough not to give in. You are stronger by far than most. I doubt many could have held him off as you did for all these months."

I shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. Lupin must have realized my discomfort and continued.

"Harry told me some of what happened in the headmistress' office. I am not sure you are even aware of this, Draco, but your struggle with the Dark Lord did not turn out so well for you in the beginning."

"Sir?" I questioned, confused.

"Remus. What I am trying to say is that not long into your attempt to dispose of the Horcrux…you died."

I stared at him incredulously. "I beg your pardon?" I asked, looking down at myself. "I wasn't aware that I was a ghost."

Lupin chuckled. "Not, you are most definitely alive. But how remains to be the question."

"Are you sure Potter didn't just _think_ I was dead?" I asked, not wanting to sound rude, but, "Chosen One" or not, Potter had never been the brightest candle in the chandelier. "Maybe I just passed out?"

"No, he claims both he and Hermione checked. You were most assuredly deceased."

I was at something of a loss for words. I stammered several times before I was able to utter a coherent thought. "But sir, Remus, people don't just come back to life."

"No," he sighed. "Indeed, they do not. But it seems to me that you and Harry have much more in common than you think. You see, you were not the only one Voldemort made into a Horcrux. However, we do not believe Voldemort knew Harry was one. Otherwise creating you would have been unnecessary, wouldn't it?"

I gaped. _"Potter_ was a Horcrux?"

"Yes."

"Then why didn't he-how couldn't he have told me that? And how did he get rid of it?"

"He was not aware of the fact until last night. Voldemort destroyed the Horcrux when he killed Harry. A bit like adding insult to injury as Harry did not remain dead either," Remus smiled.

We were quiet once more, the cold wind biting at my exposed skin. It was hard to comprehend everything that had happened. According to Potter I had died last night, and yet I was most certainly alive now. Potter had been a Horcrux. He'd sacrificed himself, died, and yet was most assuredly still breathing as well. Hermione was alive and supposedly in love with me. The Dark Lord was gone. He was gone, completely, thanks to Potter. He wasn't coming back. The war was over, the good guys had won. Everything was how it should be, the world was right once more.

But where did that leave me? What was my next step? It felt wrong to be standing amongst the rubble as one of the victors with the stain of my betrayal branded on my forearm.

"Remus, I will not put up a fight if you wish to take me to Azkaban," I said seriously. "Merlin knows it's where I belong."

"Where you belong?" Lupin cried disbelievingly. "Draco, without your assistance, without your sacrifice, none of us would be standing here, of that I am most certain. Draco, do you understand that if you had given into him, there would have been essentially _two_ Dark Lords and none of us would be standing here now?"

"I am well aware," I snapped curtly. "And I am also aware that had I chosen the correct side from the beginning this never would have happened at all."

"I do not believe for a moment that is true," Lupin said sternly. "He simply would have chosen another, one who would have bent to his will much more easily. And then, Draco, where would we be?"

I thought about this terrifying possibility for a long moment. It was true, if the Dark Lord hadn't chosen me, who would he have picked for his last Horcrux? Not Snape, no Snape would have always been the sacrifice. It would have been someone all too eager to take what the Dark Lord offered. Aunt Bella would have been a worthy candidate. I shuddered at the thought.

"We will not be taking you to Azkaban," Lupin finally stated. "In fact, one of the reasons I wished to speak to you was to discuss where you would like to go from here. We will be re-opening the school as soon as possible, Minerva is hoping restorations will be finished in a fortnight. Would you like to return to finish your N.E.W.T's?"

It felt as though I'd been dealt a particularly harsh blow from some of the fallen mortar. "Return… _here?_ To school?"

"It was an idea. You are not required; any student who fought last night is given the choice. Those who choose not to finish attending will, of course, be given an Outstanding in every subject for their assistance. I can guarantee Hermione will be staying, however."

He wasn't looking at me but I could see a slightly mischievous glint in his eye. I cleared my throat, wondering just how many of these people had realized my feelings towards Hermione. It appeared I had been much more obvious than I'd anticipated.

I pondered for a moment, but my mind didn't seem to work. I couldn't think of an answer, so I stuck with noncommitment. "I'll think about it. I suppose I hadn't really given much thought to the future."

"No, I don't suppose you did. But many doors are open to you now, Draco. I will be more than happy to assist you with whatever you wish to pursue, although if it has anything to do with the Ministry you may want to speak with Kingsley, I'm afraid I still don't hold much clout there," he smiled grimly.

I stared at him for a moment, perplexed. "Why are you doing all this for me? After all the pain my family has caused you all-"

"You are not your family, Draco," Lupin said firmly, turning and placing his hands on my shoulders, looking at me, his eyes warm and almost…fatherly. And even though I was a few inches taller than he, I suddenly felt very small. Very small and very alone. "You are your own man. You have made some tremendously difficult choices in your young life. If you feel you chose the wrong ones in the beginning, you have more than made up for those now. You did what was right when it mattered most. You were willing to give your life to save us all. That, in my humble opinion, deserves a great amount of respect. You have mine, and I would like to assist you in continuing your life to the very best of your ability. Please, do not hesitate to ask for anything. I cannot imagine you have had very many good examples to learn by."

"I had Snape," I replied, swallowing. The memory of his wasted life was still painful. "And Dumbledore. I should have trusted Dumbledore."

"Yes, well," Lupin smiled meekly. "You are not the only one. I believe we have all been guilty of doubting his rather eccentric methods at some point. But that is neither here nor there. What is important is that whether by good example or not, you did an extremely heroic and selfless thing by destroying that Horcrux. Your sacrifice will not be soon forgotten."

Lupin straightened and gave the grounds a sweeping surveillance. "You have plenty of time for decisions. For now, you should rest. But before you go, I must burden you once more." When he looked at me his lips were thin, his gaze apologetic. "I regret to inform you that your mother was found amongst the rubble of the Charms corridor. I am very sorry to say that she did not survive the attack."

My stomach bottomed out. What in the world had she been doing up there?

"One of the giants destroyed that entire side," Lupin explained lowly. "There were several casualties from that particular attack. We have placed her body with the rest of our fallen."

"Are the Death Eaters' bodies separated from the Order's?" I asked hollowly.

"Yes."

"Then put her with the Death Eaters."

Lupin nodded once and said nothing about my harsh request. I didn't care what he thought; it wasn't right for her to be among the fallen heroes. She was no hero. She had been spineless, unquestioning. She had been just as guilty as the rest of them.

But still, she had been my mother. Her death rested upon me much heavier than my father's had. My mother had loved me, at least. She had begged Snape to protect me, forced him to take the Unbreakable Vow to be ensure my safety. She had sent me care packages from home every week while I was at school. She had secretly tucked me into bed when I was little, reading me _Tales of Beedle the Bard_ while my father was preoccupied. When I was younger she had stood up for me, but that had stopped at five when she was tired of being smacked around on my behalf. From that moment on she had lost my respect. She had stopped caring, allowed my father to run our family straight into the ground. Not until he was locked away in Azkaban had she built up the nerve to execute one last desperate bid to save her son.

"I'm sorry," Lupin said, breaking into my morbid thoughts. "Truly, I am."

"Don't be," I said gruffly. "She doesn't deserve your pity."

"Would you like to request a final resting ground for her?" he asked. I knew my father's body had been burned at the demolition of headquarters, but it was an odd feeling being in charge of a body…my mother's body…

"No," I finally said. "Just wherever you put the rest of the scum is fine."

I didn't care if he thought I was heartless. It was no more than she deserved. She came with them, she could lay with them.

"Is there…is there anything else?" I asked Lupin. Suddenly, I just wanted to be alone. He shook his head.

"No. The house elves are preparing a feast tonight. Will you join us in the Great Hall?"

"No, I think I need some time alone," I said. Then I realized I had sounded rude. "Thank you for the invitation, though."

I took my leave when he said nothing more. I wasn't exactly familiar with this whole "sharing your feelings" thing and decided I much preferred dealing with emotions alone. When I got into the school, however, I realized I had nowhere to go. I didn't want to interrupt Hermione; I knew Potter was filling her in with everything that had happened, but neither did I feel I belonged in the Great Hall with all of the Order. I didn't have a bed nor did I know the password to the Slytherin common room…and besides I really didn't feel like I belonged there anymore, either.

Just standing in this school felt like something from a completely different life, a different me. I couldn't see myself returning here. I understood the importance of a good education, but the thought of living within these walls, sleeping under the roof where I had unleashed a horde of Death Eaters on innocent children…how could I? I felt so detached from all of this. I felt so much older than I was, as if the last year had been a decade. Everything that had happened in just a few short months had changed me, it had changed the world. Nothing was the same.

But if I didn't come back here…where would I go? With my father and my mother gone I was now the sole possessor of our estates…and I had no idea what to do with them. Why hadn't I ever asked my father what would happen when I took charge? I had always figured it would happen when I was older; I had so much time to learn it all, to do what I wanted…responsibility would come later. Much, much later.

All of a sudden that time was now. And I was so completely lost.

"Malfoy?"

I looked around at the sound of the voice. The youngest Weasley was poking her head out of the doors of the Great Hall. I realized I was standing stationary staring up the newly repaired marble staircase, fixed so that no one would even know by looking at it what had taken place only hours ago. She joined me, standing close enough that I could smell her flowery perfume.

"It's like nothing ever happened, isn't it?" she said, voicing my very thoughts. I nodded. It was. Each stair was as pristine as usual: not a speck of dust, of blood, of any sign at all of the horrors which had occurred right there. How many lives had been lost on those steps? How many children had clambered up and down them, to lessons, to bed, to dinner, to their futures? What had this hall seen?

It had once seen a pompous child, flanked by his cronies, strutting around with an air of assumed authority. It had seen that same despicable character transformed into an ivory ferret and bounced around by a man who was gone now. And it had seen a lone boy slinking from the dungeons toward the Room of Requirement, his eyes red rimmed, friendless but for a pathetic ghost. Where was Myrtle now? In her toilet? Haunting the pipes?

"Are you alright?" Ginny asked, breaking into my wonderings. I turned to her and she shrugged. "I'm sorry, I just don't really know what to say, I guess." She answered nervously to my stare. "I suppose I want to thank you."

"For what?" I scoffed, starting up the refurbished staircase. I didn't know where I would go, but I didn't want to stand here anymore.

"For saving my life."

"No problem."

"You can't pretend that it was nothing, Malfoy," she said sternly. She sounded like her mother. "You fought with us. You saved me and Neville and countless others. You died for us. You helped take care of the injured after the battle. With your help, he's gone. You can't just pretend that is nothing."

"Compared to what I've done to hurt you all?" I snapped scathingly. "It is nothing."

"That's not true!" she cried indignantly, struggling to keep up with my pace. "Look, I heard about your mum…I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter," I said, ducking down another hallway in an attempt to shake the redhead. But the stubborn chit grabbed my elbow and I turned, about to tell her off, before she started in again.

"It's hard trying not to care, isn't it?" she murmured. She suddenly looked older, wise… What did she know?

It was then that it struck me. She _did_ know. Hadn't she been the one the Dark Lord's Horcrux had worked through to open the Chamber? And she'd only been a child, just into Hogwarts…

"You feel dirty, don't you? Tainted," she whispered. I nodded. It was exactly how I felt. "Like you shouldn't be around other people in case you contaminate them?" I really wished she'd stop talking. "You can't shut everyone out, Malfoy. You need your friends."

And then she did something so unexpected I started. She took my hand. But her big brown eyes were so full of understanding and concern I couldn't find it in myself to pull away.

"I don't expect anyone to forgive me," I murmured. "I'm not under any delusions that we'll all be great mates or anything."

"If you want to be with my best friend you better start deluding yourself," the Weaslette said, a smile lighting her freckled face.

"How do you-?"

"Best friend, remember?" she chuckled. "You have a lot to learn, ferret."

"Better ferret than weasel."

She slapped my arm playfully and then wove hers through mine. "Shall we?"

Bemused, I shook my head at her antics and silently wished Potter luck with the complicated girl.

She led me to the hospital wing which was buzzing with movement and muted voices, slapping feet as volunteers hurried to retrieve potions or blankets for the harried nurse. A couple of Healers had come in from St. Mungo's to assist and preparations were being made to transfer several patients to the hospital. Ginny and I shuffled out of the way of a stretcher being Levitated by none other than the Minister himself.

"Oh, Mr. Malfoy," he said in a deep, velvety voice. "Might I ask you to join Mr. Potter and myself at the ministry tomorrow night?"

"Sir?"

"Eight o'clock sharp."

I watched him disappear out of the room, Katie Bell following with another stretcher. My breath caught as she passed but she flashed me a smile and I let go of that breath. Either she had no idea who had given her that necklace last year or she had forgiven me. I preferred to believe she didn't know at all.

"What was that all about?" Ginny asked and I was reminded of the Minister's request.

"No clue. Ask your boyfriend."

"Oi! Boyfriend!" she yelled across the room. Several people shushed her but she just rolled her eyes and pushed through the swarm of activity to Hermione's bed. "Why does Kingsley want you and Malfoy to go to the ministry tomorrow night?"

"No idea," he said, rising from his seat next to Hermione who was dabbing her eyes. He gave Ginny a kiss then said lowly. "I just told her about Moody."

"And Dean?" Ginny asked, her voice breaking. Harry nodded and enveloped her in his embrace. "Have you heard about Fred?"

"Healer Pye said he'll be just fine. He isn't talking in any language we understand, but his vitals are good," Harry answered. Ginny nodded into his chest. "And Percy was walking around earlier. Said his head still hurts but he's doing alright. Bill stopped by to see Hermione a few minutes ago. The bleeding's stopped, so he should be fine."

"Yeah, and dad took mum home about an hour ago," Ginny informed him. "She was still crying about Charlie's arm, but he doesn't seem to be too bothered about. It's a good thing he's left handed."

It hit me suddenly that all these people, the lost, the injured…everyone else around them _cared_. They weren't ridiculed for being thwarted by a bunch of teenagers or punished for getting hurt in the first place. They didn't have to sneak off to some shady Healer in Knockturn Alley if their wounds were too severe to deal with alone. These people were taken care of, and they were all genuinely concerned about each other's welfare. They were saddened over the loss of life, not just loss of manpower.

These people loved.

I turned to Hermione and thought about how close I had been to losing her, how close I had been to not being here at all. While Potter and Ginny continued in low voices I took the seat Potter had vacated. Hermione opened her eyes wearily and she smiled, reaching out a now-clean hand. Someone must have washed her, for all the blood was gone and her hair was wet, curling around her, the sheets a clean white. She was so beautiful…

"How are you?" she asked as I took her hand, twining my fingers between hers, liking the way it looked.

"Me?" I asked, taken aback. "I'm fine."

"Are you really?"

I tried to say something, anything, to describe how I felt, but she simply squeezed my hand in understanding. Who was I kidding? She already knew.

And abruptly I was overwhelmed, weighed down by the number of emotional blows received in such a short amount of time. Evidently it showed in my face because with tears in her eyes, Hermione tugged at my hand and I went with it, enfolding her in my embrace. She pulled my head to her breast and held me while I listened to her heartbeat, the sound comforting. A curtain was silently hoisted around the bed and Potter and Ginny were gone and it was just me and Hermione and everything that was between us and everything that wasn't and I clung to her and shook and allowed myself to feel, to hurt. It was all because of this woman that I felt anything at all and I was so grateful, so utterly grateful and angry and frustrated and tired…I was so tired…

"I'm sorry," I muttered. It was all I could say. I hated everything I had done and longed to tear my heart out of the shadows of regret and give it to her, because it was the only place it belonged. I wished I could fix everything that I'd done, but I couldn't. The only thing I could do was throw myself at her feet and hope that she would understand that everything I did was for her.

"Draco," she whispered, just my name. I loved the way it sounded coming from her lips. I looked up into her eyes and it was written all over her face, that absolution, that understanding. "I love you. You don't have to face the world alone." She reached her hand forward and cupped my cheek, an endearing action which tore at my heartstrings. How could I have ever doubted that she would know exactly what I was feeling, doubted whether she would forgive me?

So eternally grateful for my angel of mercy, I leaned forward and kissed her, slowly, lovingly, pouring every devastating emotion into her, allowing her to heal me. She kissed me back, taking everything I had, her taste ripping through my numb body and stirring my senses as only she could. One innocent touch of her tongue against mine had my head reeling and I was quickly forgetting why I had ever thought I could live without her.

Before I did something I regretted, I pulled away and looked into her brown eyes so full of trust and hope and deeply suppressed pain. I knew her physical wounds would mend much faster than the emotional ones, both from me and the heartache of lost loved ones, the numbers of which I could only guess at. Only time would heal the pain…for both of us.

It was then I realized that it was time we needed. She needed someone who could take care of her, someone who could be there for her in every way, no reservations, nothing held back. And I knew I couldn't do that. Not yet. If I was to give her what she needed, what she deserved, I had to fix myself first, the beginnings of which I was at a complete loss. But until then, until I could be whole once more, I would only continue to hurt her. I couldn't do that to her, not again. Not anymore. She needed more. I had to be more.

I knew she could see the indecision in my eyes, it was written all over her face. She sighed and looked down at her hands twisting on the bed sheets and suddenly I felt the urge to run, to get as far from this place as possible. I wanted to say something, to tell her, to make her understand, but the words stuck in my throat. Just being near her was shredding my resolve and I knew I had to be strong.

Soaking in the sight of her one last time I tore from the room, shoving others aside, the sound of my name ringing in my ears just like they had last night, the pain behind the words tugging at my resolution.

What was I doing? How could I do this to her again? How could I rip her heart out without an explanation?

I knew the answer to this question. I was running, like I always did. But this time was different and I understood. I was running away, yes, but not for my sake. For hers. The reason didn't matter, not now. Someday she would know, I would make her understand…someday…

"MALFOY!"

This voice stopped me, the utter authority in it slowed my feet and I turned to see Potter pounding toward me, wand drawn, his face a mask of fury.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing?" he screamed. "I thought I made myself very clear that she wasn't to be hurt again!"

"Don't you see, Potter?" I answered dejectedly. "That's exactly what I'm trying to prevent. I'm no good. You know that, she knows that. And so do I. I can only bring her pain. I'm so fucked up…I can't give her what she deserves. Not yet." I paced the hall, my hands clenching in heartache and anger. I needed someone to understand… "We're such different people going in such different directions…I can't do this to her, I can't take her future from her. I'm a Malfoy. Do you understand what that name is going to mean on this side of the war? Do you understand what I'm going to be? Nothing, Potter. Nothing at all. But Hermione…you know as well as I that she is going to make something of her life, she's going to be somebody. She's going to go out into the world and make it better. I have nothing to give her, nothing to my name but grief and unpaid debts. She's going to hurt for a while maybe and I'm sorry for that. But a few months is better than a lifetime of unhappiness. I can save her from that. It's the best I can give her."

His eyes were radiating fire, his hands fisted at his sides and I knew he was restraining himself. A part of me wished he wouldn't, a part of me wished he would tear into me, to make my exterior match the battered interior.

"I understand where you are coming from," he finally said in a carefully controlled voice. "But hear me out before you make any decisions." Reluctantly, and only because it was, well, _Potter_ , I gave a curt nod of acceptance. "You are more than this, Malfoy. Things are hard, perhaps more than I understand. But someday you are going to figure your shit out and you're going to realize that you are walking out on the best thing that ever happened to you. She won't run after you. She'll let you go, no matter how much it hurts her to do so, because that's the way she is. If this is what you want, she'll give it to you. But I am telling you right now, Malfoy. This is not it. _She_ is what you want. If you can't figure that out, you don't deserve her. So figure your shit out. Because she needs someone who can give themselves fully. Do you understand me?"

My teeth were clenched so tight I feared they might shatter, my arms crossed so rigidly my hands were growing numb. I nodded. I knew what he was saying. I knew what I needed to do.

"Watch after her, will you?"

He eyed me. "Until you come back."

I said nothing to this but met his eyes for a poignant moment longer. Then turned on my expensive heel and walked calmly down the stairs, through the school, across the grounds and into Hogsmead. Then, without a single glance back, I Apparated from the spot and began rebuilding my life.

...

Guest: Well, she's awake and she knows, but whether or not you're happy about it...

AuraAuthor: Glad to have you on board! Hope you still love it after this evilness!

LissaDream: I can only imagine what your emotions are about this chapter!

everlastingtrueromance: Not over yet! Stay tuned!

XOXO

RynStar15


	6. The Reparations

The days dragged into weeks, the weeks melted into months. I paid no attention to time as it no longer held meaning for me. My life had become a catacomb of licensed documents, family debts, estates and ledgers. It seemed my father had let his investments and assets fall to the wayside ever since his trouble at the ministry and the damage had been incalculable.

I spent nights pouring over poorly kept accounts trying to figure out where it had all gone wrong. I spent days dealing with lawyers and debt collectors, the owls flying in by the flock. My limited math skills were put to the test and I was never more grateful for the simple algebra Hermione had taught me, knowing I would never have gotten through all of this without it.

I ended up having to sell all of our properties just to pay off collectors and, with Remus's help, located a comfortable flat in a small wizarding dwelling in London, not far from the Ministry. I held an estate auction at the manor and used those earnings to start my own Gringotts vault, leaving the original Malfoy vault for only our most treasured possessions. The Malfoy name may be mud now, but centuries of wealth and prestige was not going to be lost to future generations by the mistakes of my father. However, I refused to use that money to help me now. I would earn my own way, as it was supposed to be.

I had attended the meeting at the Ministry the day after I'd left Hogwarts as the Minister had bade and received an Order of Merlin, First Class next to Potter. I had skivved out of the celebration afterwards and hid the award beneath my bed. Now it sat on my mantle, gleaming at me, reminding me that I had done something right in this world. Reminding me of what I could do, of what I could be. Of why I spent sleepless nights in agonizing loneliness.

I went to the mass funeral for all those lost in the war and sat at the very back, making sure she couldn't see me. I watched her from afar, my heart aching as she clutched others and swiped tears from her cheeks. But I kept my distance. Barely.

I was sent a letter giving me the location of the final resting place of my mother, in a secluded valley with the rest of the Death Eaters as I had requested. I had crumpled the parchment and tossed it into the fire without even glancing at the directions.

I kept in touch with Potter, owling him once a week or so. He always gave me news of Hermione, even though I never asked. She had stayed at school, of course, and seemed perfectly content. Potter assured me this was all a carefully constructed facade, though, and spared no detail in telling me about the tears he'd seen rolling down her face before she could dab them away behind her books or the hours she spent staring blankly out of the windows. He begged me to get in touch with her, but I couldn't. Not yet. It wasn't time.

I reluctantly took Remus's advice and spoke to Kingsley about a possible position at the Ministry. When he asked what I was interested in, I drew a blank. I'd honestly had no clue what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I'd spent so long just trying to live to the next day that I'd never really thought about where I wanted my life to go. We'd talked late into the night and we discussed my interests. Although I'd always had decent marks in school, nothing had really grabbed at my attention.

"So, what does?" Kingsley had asked.

It was then I remembered watching the one-armed Weasley riding that dragon on the night of the battle, remembered gazing up at them in awe as they dove between the giants. I recalled the jealousy that had burned through me seeing the Norwegian Ridgeback hatch in the gamekeeper's hut, remembered envying Potter's chance to fight one in the Triwizard Tournament. I thought of my dragon Patronus, now shared with Hermione…

When I informed him of this epiphany the large man had grinned and before I knew it, I was meeting the Weasley, Charlie, and he had whisked me off to Romania where a large contingent of dragons was kept for breeding and educational purposes. He explained that they were now beginning a whole new expedition on taming dragons for use and protection in the magical world. My fascination flared watching the magnificent creatures, seeing the way the wizards and witches dealt with them, learning the different kinds, understanding the diverse personalities they all had. They were like people; each one with their own quirks, their own strengths and weaknesses. I was offered a position as a paid intern and accepted it with an enthusiasm I'd never felt before. I quickly found out that I had an instinctive connection with the misunderstood creatures. I related with them as I never had to another human being.

Charlie and I rubbed along quite well and he was a fount of information on dragons. He lent me books on every aspect of the creatures and their care, the breeds and history. And the best part about Charlie was that he kept his promise in not telling his family about my whereabouts. The only people who knew about my new occupation were the Minister himself, Remus, and Potter. They had all sworn to secrecy and for this I was thankful. I had enough to worry about not being incinerated by an angry nesting mother without having to wonder if reporters were going to flock to Romania to get the latest scoop on the "fallen Malfoy."

And every single empty second was filled with thoughts of Hermione. There was a constant ache in me that I knew only she could fill. Her face haunted me at night. During the day, I could swear I caught whiffs of her. In every face I saw her, staring back at me, her sad eyes accusing. I knew I had hurt her unforgivably and I hated myself for it. But what could I do? I'd had nothing to offer her, nothing but pain and humiliation. And now look at me, living in a tent, my entire life centered around the most dangerous creatures our world had to offer. This was no life for her. She was better off without me.

A late June evening found me leaning against my favorite tree, just on the far side of the Horntail's paddock. I watched the red sun sink behind a grassy knoll, _A History of Dragon Breeding of the Seventeenth Century_ laying forgotten across my legs as I gazed morosely into the impending night, wondering what Hermione was doing this very second. Finals would be over, the seventh years would be preparing for the graduation ceremony, the rest of the children enjoying their last nights splashing in the lake or racing each other on the Quidditch pitch. In a few days they would all board the Hogwarts Express and then…what? Where would she go? Back to Headquarters? Would she find her parents, give them their memories back? Would she rejoin the Muggle world? No, she would do something bigger than that. Maybe go to Kingsley, as I had, and speak to him about a position in the Ministry. Carry out S.P.E.W. or something. In all of his letters Potter had never told me what she might do…

"Thought I might find you here," Charlie said from behind me. I didn't turn, but heard him lean against the bark above me. "Beautiful here, isn't it?" I said nothing. He was used to my sullen attitude when I wasn't in the field. "Think you'll miss it?"

I looked up at him, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, if we're going to start training these bad boys to be around wizards on a daily basis, it's not going to be out here in the middle of nowhere. We're thinking of setting up a new colony near London. Need a scout to go out and find a suitable spot. You up for it?"

I stood slowly, the book falling to the soft grass as I rose, watching the glimmer of amusement in his bright blue eyes. He knew as well as I what this would mean. I could be closer to Hermione…

"You're serious?"

"Completely. And, you know, once we get everything set up we'll need someone to take charge over there." He shrugged the shoulder of his missing arm. "It's all good and well dealing with our more trained dragons, but we're hoping to bring in a new batch out there in the spring and, well, it'll be a two-handed job. I've been given the position as over-seer and we'll need a new man to take my place. What say you?"

A bubble of excitement filled my chest. "I-I, yes, yes, of course, I mean…thank you, that's…"

"But you have to promise me one thing."

"Sure, yeah, of course," I stammered, still hardly believing my ears. The head of my own colony? I'd only been an intern for a few months!

"Come with me to my brother's graduation," he said, his eyes mischievous. "While you're there, why don't you try sucking up your pride? Worst thing she could do is say yes. Or hex you, I suppose. I've heard she can be rather volatile."

I felt numb. This wasn't happening. This was not just being handed to me…there had to be a catch…

"Why me?" I asked finally.

"You've earned it," he shrugged. "You already work better with those overgrown reptiles than half then men on my squad. It's intuitive, it's not just something you can learn out of a book and you seem to have a knack for it. I trust you. And she loves you."

I shook my head and turned away to where the sun had finally disappeared beyond the horizon, the weight of it all pressing in on me. "I'm no good for her."

"Why don't you let her decide that? She seems to be a pretty good judge of character." I didn't respond to this, but mulled it all over, letting the sounds of the approaching night surround me. "Be ready to leave at dawn."

...

I squinted up at the sun as I dismounted from my broom and looked around. Hogsmead looked as it had before the war, the tidy little shop windows glittering in the sunlight, window boxes overflowing with cheerful flowers, shoppers strolling leisurely down the cobblestone paths enjoying the warm spring afternoon, rejoicing the fact that they could take their time now that there was no curfew, no fear of returning home to the worst. There were no desperate vendors trying to hock talismans or fake potions to ward off Dementors, only smiling merchants shouting out that they had fresh Cauldron Cakes and cold pumpkin juice.

A nudge on the arm had me tearing my eyes away from the brilliantly mundane life that the world had become and I followed Charlie up the steep slope along with other witches and wizards who Apparated or flew in around us, chatting happily, greeting old friends. We all strolled through the wide-open gates onto the Hogwarts grounds, Hagrid standing to one side, but there was otherwise no guard preventing anyone from coming in. I thought this was a bit like tempting fate, but understood it only added to the joyful occasion to know that there was no longer reason to keep anyone from entering who wanted to.

I waited patiently while Charlie greeted the half-giant warmly and watched in mild amusement as his full-giant brother handed out programs. Hands dug in my pockets I surveyed the small stage that had been set up next to the lake, the hundreds of gold chairs lined the grassy lawn before it. Dumbledore's gleaming white casket was just visible beyond, watching over the happenings that carried on even after his untimely death.

It had eased my heart no small amount to read the letter Potter sent me a few months back explaining a memory Snape had left him which detailed his full reasoning for killing the headmaster. Dumbledore had been dying. He'd asked Snape to. It wasn't just to save me. I had asked Potter to keep the memory and he'd promised he would. Someday I would see it myself, when I was ready. His reassurances were enough for now.

I turned back to the people thronging in and saw a woman clutching onto her husband's arm, murmuring into his ear and though she smiled warmly at me when she passed, I could see how nervous she and her husband looked. Her husband whose eyes were a dark, chocolate brown…

I stared at the back of the two and noticed they did not wear robes over their Muggle clothing and the woman's hair…it was exactly the same bushy chestnut of…

"Mrs. Granger!" I shouted out on impulse, jogging up to them, my mind spinning. I had no idea what I would say to them, but I knew it was them and when the couple turned my mouth dried.

"I'm sorry, have we met?" she asked kindly, Mr. Granger clutching her arm protectively even as he pushed wire-rimmed glasses further up his nose.

"Er, no," I answered, pointedly ignoring the day in Flourish and Blotts when my father and I had sneered at their presence. I shifted my feet nervously. What did one say to Muggles? "But I-er-know your daughter, Hermione. We, well, we went to school and…know…each other…" I finished lamely.

Suddenly, the older woman's face brightened.

"Oh! You must be Draco! But of course, you look just like she said!" Mrs. Granger exclaimed, covering the two steps between us and hugging me. I was so shocked it took me several seconds to react before patting her awkwardly and she pulled me back, looking up at me, her eyes shining with admiration. "Sorry, I'm sure this isn't the normal way for, well, _wizards_ to greet but I owe you so much. I can't tell you how grateful I am for all you've done for my baby girl. Roger? Roger, shake the boy's hand, where are your manners?"

Completely nonplussed, I took the hand the sandy haired man stuck out, feeling I had missed something. "Er, what exactly did Hermione say about me?"

"Oh, dear, she told us all about how you risked your life to help kill that bad man, what was his name again?" she turned to her husband.

"Voldemort," he answered, his dark eyes trained on me. It was quite clear that while his wife was all but smitten with me, he seemed to be reserving judgment.

"Yes, yes, him. I always forget the name. Oh, I'm just so…shocked, to say the least. Did she tell you she put a spell on her father and me? Sent us away to _Australia!_ For our protection! She's always been so selfless. I'm just so proud of all of you, but it's like something out of a book, isn't it? It hardly seems real, all of this," she rambled, waving up at the castle. "I've always felt rather like I was sending her off into some fairytale every fall but actually _being_ here…I'm at a complete loss for words!"

I decided to not mention that fact that she seemed to have plenty to say because I could see so much of Hermione in this pretty woman that my heart ached.

"Penny, I'm sure the boy has to get ready for the ceremony," her husband said with an apologetic smile.

"Oh, I'm not…er, I've already, er, left," I stated lamely. For some reason, I didn't want them to go. Looking at the Grangers was so…comforting. It was like having a piece of Hermione here with me. And I just couldn't wait to see her face when she found out I'd spoken with them.

"Left?" Penny asked. "I was under the impression you were in the same year?"

"I am, I _was_ , I mean. But, er, after the war, the last battle, I didn't return. Some students who, er, helped, were allowed to leave early," I attempted to explain but found it rather difficult. I'd never actually spoken to a Muggle before and had no idea how much she would understand about our world.

"Is that right? Yes, I think I remember Hermione saying something about that," Penny said, looking up at her husband. "Remember when she told us about Ronald being difficult in getting him to stay?"

"Yes, I seem to recall something like that," Roger said. It was obvious he was used to his wife's incessant babble.

"Oh, but you _must_ tell me what you've been doing since you left!" Penny went on. "Did you get a job? What kind of jobs do wizards have? We went to Diagon Alley once, didn't we, Roger? Oh, and it was wonderful! I was absolutely _terrified_ the whole time but it was just delightful when I think back on it! Do you live there?"

"Penny, I'm sure he doesn't want to-"

"No, no," I said, grinning. The woman was most endearing. "I'd love to chat. Why don't we take a seat and I'll tell you all about dragon training."

Penny gasped and I had to fight to keep from laughing out loud at the expression on her face. Holding out my arm, I led her and her husband to the chairs and we sat and I talked on and on about everything I'd been up to since I had gotten the internship in Romania. Penny was a great audience and I found I enjoyed talking to her immensely and Roger even queued in with a few questions of his own. The seats slowly filled around us as the conversation moved to their practice in "dentistry" in which they cleaned and straightened teeth for a living. I recalled Hermione once being on the receiving end of a curse from me and her front teeth growing past her collar as I laughed uproariously. I pushed down the sickening thought which was overcome with another…if Hermione had told her parents about me helping in the war…had she told them about my harassment over the last six years? Was that why Roger watched me with a weary, hardened eye?

Eventually, McGonagall took the stage and began speaking about the class, about their hand in the war, their losses, their achievements. Portraits of those who had not made it through the year were sitting on easels behind her and each of them was discussed at length, the crowd growing somber, several witches drawing out handkerchiefs. But then the headmistress smiled and named off several students who had already left Hogwarts, myself included, who were "no less deserving of recognition" and we were given a round of applause, Mrs. Granger clapping happily beside me, patting my leg.

And then they filed out, my classmates, the group greatly diminished from the one which had sailed across the lake together that first night. All of them hardened, affected in some way by the war, and all of them grinning nervously as they lined up next to the stage, just as we had all done before we were sorted. One by one they were called up, their O.W.L's and N.E.W.T's admired as well as club involvement or Quidditch positions.

When Hermione was called up she stood calmly beside the headmistress, looking more beautiful than ever, her hair blowing slightly in the warm breeze. My heart clenched in my chest and when her eyes found mine they widened slightly and held. I couldn't breathe and my mind seemed to have been wiped blank but for the image of her standing there. Her mother waved beside me and she tore her gaze from me to smile at her as McGonagall droned on and on, her voice one of utter pride as she poured over Hermione's countless achievements. The only person whose speech was longer was Potter's, for obvious reasons. I snorted when puffs of purple smoke broke out as he took to the stage but my eyes stayed with Hermione who was now staring fixedly away from me to focus on her fellow classmates.

I was taken aback when everyone rose to their feet around me and I realized the ceremony was over. McGonagall's voice rose over the cheering crowd's to announce that refreshments would be served in the Great Hall where we could meet with the graduates. Without a word to the Grangers I struck out, winding between people, racing for the castle where the celebrating teens were now hurrying.

I caught up with her at the door and grabbed her elbow, dragging her, sputtering, from Ron and Harry. Ron made a move toward us but Harry held him back as I pulled Hermione to Firenze's old classroom. When I slammed the door shut she yanked her arm from my grasp, irate.

"What in the _hell_ do you think you are doing?" she snapped, her eyes sparkling with fire. "What gives you the right to _manhandle_ me like that?" I started to speak but she held up a hand. "No, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know why you thought it necessary to ruin my graduation by showing up and sitting with my parents and throwing me into a classroom like a piece of garbage because I am rather busy at the moment and my parents are waiting for me so if you'll _excuse_ me-"

She made to stride past me but I stepped in front of the door, blocking her path. She glared up at me lividly. "Malfoy, seriously, I am _not_ in the mood to play games."

"Luckily, neither am I."

Then, without thinking, without planning, I grabbed her and kissed her. All I could think of was having her lips beneath mine, of tasting her, of reminding us both why I had come.

My tactless move was met with a crack of her hand against my cheek and she ripped out of my loosened hold.

"How _dare_ you?" she snarled, backing away from me, her cheeks flaming with indignation. I was quickly realizing that I'd severely underestimated her wrath. "I don't know what you are playing at, Malfoy, but I'm not going to be your-your _whore_ any longer! You have no right to come here, to do this to me! Now let me pass!"

"No."

"No? _No?_ That's all you have to say? This is bloody ridiculous, I don't have time for this-"

I fought off her attempts to shove me from the doorframe, clinging to the wood like a lifeline. I couldn't think of anything but to make her stay, to force her to listen to me. "Just give me a few minutes, Hermione-"

"Oh, give _you_ a few minutes?" she screeched, infuriated, shoving at me again. "You, who denied me at every turn, who _left_ me after I risked _everything_ for you? I should give _you_ a few minutes?"

"Yes," I said. I couldn't think of any other response, I had to keep her here, I had to make her understand. Because I couldn't leave without telling her, without her finally knowing…

"I've given you more than enough of my time, Malfoy," she growled. I had never seen her so angry. Her lips were thin (reminding me vividly of Professor McGonagall) and her nostrils flared. Her eyes glinted in fury. "I've given you days, weeks, months. I waited for you to write, to visit, to get in touch any way for _months!_ But I am tired of waiting. I'm tired of spending endless nights hoping for you to come to your senses. I'm tired of waiting for something that will never happen, of waiting on someone who didn't care enough about me to spare a single second for an explanation."

I watched the fight drain out of her, the rage seeping into pain and bitter disappointment, which was all the harder to bear. "I don't have any more time to give you. Now please, let me pass."

"Hermione, please, just let me explain-"

"Explain what? Why I haven't heard from you for half a year? Why you left me screaming for you in a hospital bed after I risked my life to save your sorry arse? Why you turned your back on me _again?_ "

I had known this would be hard, I had steeled myself for this the entire flight back from Romania, but the reality of it was so much worse than I had imagined. The hatred etched in every line on her face cut into me deeper than Potter's curse in the sixth year.

"Yes."

She laughed bitterly, the sound slicing through me. "No. I won't let you explain. Not this time. It doesn't matter anymore. I have nothing left to give you. You've taken it all from me already. I don't know that kind of sick game you're playing, but I'm done. I'm tapped out. Now, please, stand aside and let me through."

"I can't do that."

"Then _allow_ me to _assist_ you!" she screeched, drawing her wand. Before I could even reach for mine I was flying across the room, cursing her mad dueling skills, crashing into tables and toppling to the floor. Scrambling to my feet, I watched her wrench open the door and fly out into the hall, taking my heart with her.

"Hermione!" I cried, leaping over upended tables. "Hermione, wait! Please!"

By the time I reached the hall she was swallowed up in the crowd. My eyes sailed over the horde of happy people, searching for her bushy hair, finally finding it clutched in the arms of her father. I started forward but a hand caught my shoulder.

"Step back, mate. Come on now, back it up. Give her some time to cool down," I heard Potter say as he pulled me away from the throng and I stopped struggling, my eyes still on her. "You'll never get anything through to her now, trust me. Let her spend some time with her folks so she can clear her head a bit. It wasn't easy for her to see you today. These last months have been rough on her."

I nodded and felt stupid. My actions had been brash. I hadn't planned on assaulting her to begin my plea for forgiveness. But seeing her, having her so close...it had been like something just snapped inside me and I couldn't control it. Luckily, Potter seemed to understand.

"Why don't we step outside, get some air?" he suggested. I nodded and we walked silently down to the lake where here and there parents strolled with their children, talking about their days at Hogwarts and discussing the future. When I tired of walking, I took a seat on a log next to the lake and Potter strolled the shore, finding a flat pebble and tossing to out onto the water where it skipped once and sank.

"It's not going to be easy, you know," he finally said as if continuing an on-going conversation. He chose another rock, threw it, and watched it bounce twice on the surface before being swallowed by the water. "She's been hurting a really long time."

"I know," I grated through clenched teeth. Did he not think I had suffered every single night as she had, tossing and turning, drowning in the repercussions of my choices?

"It's going to take a lot of persuasion on your part. She's finally just come to accept you weren't coming back. And now she's mostly angry. Really, _really,_ angry."

"Surprisingly I got that."

"It was almost easier, you know? Seeing her angry. It was easier than the hurt, the betrayal."

"You could receive another Order of Merlin with your pep talks, Potter," I scowled.

He smiled sardonically and chose another rock. "Yeah, I was usually at the receiving end, I suppose. But I want you to know what you're getting yourself into. I love her, Malfoy. More than you can ever understand. She saved my life in more ways than you can imagine and more times than I can remember. She stood by me when no one else did. Even when I turned my back on her she was there for me, pushing me along, dragging me through the toughest times of my life. She's done more for me than I can even begin to fathom. For you, too."

He turned to me, fingering his chosen pebble, his face stern. "I'm telling you all this because I am not going to stand aside and see her hurt anymore. I understand where you're coming from, I honestly do. I know why you left. But she doesn't. I've seen what's between you two and though I don't understand it, I know that this…isn't working. You have to fix this. Because I can't stand one more night of holding her while she cries herself to sleep, not being able to tell her why the man she loves so much hates her."

"I don't-!"

"I know," Potter said, turning back to the lake and throwing the rock. "But like I said, she doesn't. All of this had been so unfair to her, even if it was necessary. She's not going to heal right away. So, whatever you decide to do, do it. Because she needs her life back. She can't move forward without some kind of closure."

"There won't be any," I said resolutely, my fists clenching with determination. "I can't live without her. These months…" I sighed, rubbing my chest where that lonely ache I'd spent every night with returned. "I can't stand it anymore. I have to be with her."

Abandoning his mass pebble homicide, Potter turned to me shoving his hands into the pockets of his dress robes. "She was awarded a position as an intern to the Chief Warlock himself at the Ministry. She's going to take it. She decided last night. Her life can't be on standstill forever and she has so much potential. I know you have a really great thing going for you there in Romania. I don't want to see you throw that away and I won't let you take this from Hermione. It's an amazing opportunity; she'll be the youngest intern the Wizengamot has ever had."

"I would never take that away from her," I snapped, trying to bite back the insinuated insult, knowing I deserved it while a small bubble of pride lodged itself in my chest. "I already have a place in London. It's not much, but it's close enough to the Ministry she could walk if she'd like."

Potter chewed this over. "So, you're just going to throw away everything you've worked for these past six months? The reason you've put Hermione through hell?"

"Of course not. As soon as Charlie and I settle on a sight for the new colony I'll be making enough to take care of her."

Potter's brows raised. "Explain?"

I couldn't help the smile that broke out on my face. "Charlie's promoted me. I'll be taking his place as the head of a colony just outside of London so we can begin the domestication process. We have a few eggs of a bunch of breeds, we'll be hatching them right there near to town, keeping them close to people so they can begin to trust them. Eventually we hope to be able to tame them enough to be ridden in times of need like at the battle in January. Who knows what else we can do? There's so much we can learn about them, they're amazing creatures. And I'll be close enough so if there is any problem I can get to work right away and we'll be right there by the Ministry. There shouldn't be any problem."

"Except that you're going to have to get her to forgive you first," he said, the left corner of his mouth raised in a smirk.

I sighed. "Yeah, still working on that one. But I don't care how long it takes. I love her. Even if I hadn't gotten this promotion I would figure out a way to make this work. I need her, you know?"

"Yeah. I do."

I looked up into cloud dotted sky, my mind whirling with a plan. I looked back at Potter and grinned.

"Mind helping a bloke out?"

...

AuraAuthor: I laughed so hard at your comment! I'm still laughing about it! He really is infuriating, isn't he? Why do we all put up with him?!

XOXO  
RynStar15


	7. The Precipice

I paced the Room of Requirement nervously. It looked exactly as it had the last time we had met here, less the bed which I figured might give a wrong impression, especially after her reaction to my boorish kiss. I glanced up at the clock on the mantle again. They were late. What if he couldn't get her here, what if she guessed what was going on and refused to come? And what if she _did_ come but wouldn't listen to me?

Worst yet, what if she listened to me and still decided she didn't want me?

I whipped around when the door opened and my stomach clenched when I heard the tinkle of Hermione's laughter.

 _"Harry!_ Come on, what is this all about?" she giggled as Potter lead her through the door, his hands over her eyes, the two of them chuckling as they tripped on each other's feet. Potter looked up at me, still grinning, and stopped her just over the threshold.

"Alright, are you ready?" Potter asked.

"Yes!"

"Then open your eyes."

He removed his hands and her expression fell from amused glee to revulsion in a split second as her gaze raked over me.

"Harry James Potter, what is this? Why would you-?" But when she turned to yell at Potter some more she was staring at a blank wall, both Potter and the door having disappeared. She spun around, murder in her eyes. "Malfoy, I am not in the mood to deal with this right now. Bring the door back."

"Hermione, please, just listen to me for a minute, that is all I ask," I said yet again, taking a tentative step forward.

"All you ask?" she snapped. "As if that is such a small thing? I didn't ask _anything_ of you, and yet you couldn't give me that. Why should I listen to you?"

I sighed, at a loss for a retort. "I feel like a broken bloody record. If you would just give me a chance-"

"Oh, a broken record? _You_ feel like a broken record? Who was the one who spent every single moment in your presence saying the same damn things over and over just trying to get through your thick skull?"

"I never asked you to do that!" I roared, my own anger feeding off hers.

"But I did it anyways, Draco!" she screamed back, her eyes dancing with irate fire. "Because I cared!"

I snarled, every muscle in my body stiffening as if that could protect my heart from the lash of her words. "'Cared?' Is that a past-tense now?"

She sighed, seeming to wither beneath my gaze. "I don't know, Draco. I just don't know anymore."

Something inside me snapped at her words. She was standing there, her burgundy night robe open over her shift, her thick, wavy hair cascading down around her shoulders, looking broken and beaten, and I knew if I didn't act right then I would lose her forever.

Before I could second-guess my hasty decision, I strode forward and grabbed her up, taking her mouth with a desperation built of the terror of losing her. I felt her pulling away as before but held tight, wrapping my arms around her, pressing her against me, feeling the full length of her through her flimsy nightgown, running my hands down her sides to her back, grasping her hard enough I knew she would bruise. Her arms hung indecisively by her side but her lips began to move against mine, her mouth opening to allow me passage, her head tilting infinitesimally so that I could delve into her hot cavern and remind myself of the magic that could lay in a single kiss from her. I could feel her melting against me, slowly, slowly, but still she refused to touch me, holding herself back from that intimate gesture.

I skimmed my hands back up her sides to cup her face, drawing away just enough so that our lips barely brushed. I plucked at them lazily, then kissed away a single tear that ran down from the corner of her eye.

"If you won't listen to me…then just feel me," I breathed, kissing along her jaw to her ear. "You know this is real, you can't deny this."

"Lust is not enough," she whispered back, trying to turn from me. I held fast and buried my face into her neck and breathed her in, nuzzling her, pulling her closer, letting her feel the power that crackled between us.

"No, it's not," I agreed, kissing the soft spot on her throat where her pulse thrummed, felt her shiver. "But you know as well as I do that's not all this is. You can feel it as I can. You can try to tell yourself this isn't real, but your body doesn't lie."

I placed open mouthed kisses back up the slim column of her throat, felt her soften beneath me, and held her body in a direct line against my own so she could feel my reaction to her. "You want me as I want you. You know you do." She shook her head, refusing to look at me. I cupped her face and turned it up to mine, brushing away the strands of hair that stuck to her cheeks from her tears with the pads of my thumbs.

Finally, her dark eyes met mine, a desperate sorrow swirling in their depths. My heart tumbled at the sight, knowing I had caused this, knowing that I would do anything to fix it.

"Deny it," I murmured, knowing I would take one more chance. Because if she didn't want me…if she refused me…I knew I had to let her go. Even if it killed me to do so. "Tell me you don't want me in every single way and I will leave right now and never come back. I swear to you I will never bother you again if that's what you want, because I can deny you nothing. We both know I don't deserve you, Hermione."

I stared into her eyes, opening myself, laying everything on the line, proving to her that there was nothing I wouldn't do to keep her. "But I need you, and I will gladly spend the rest of my life proving to you that I'm not the man I made myself out to be. In an effort to protect you I've taken so much from you that I can't give back. But I can give you this last decision. So tell me now if you don't feel the same for me as I do for you, because I can't stand one more moment of this fight. Tell me you don't want me."

Her face crumpled with indecision, a fresh flow of tears streaking down her cheeks, my thumbs unable to keep up with the flow. I leaned forward and kissed them away as she trembled and I could see her nails digging into her palms as she fought for control. My heart was breaking seeing her thusly, knowing all this pain was my own damn fault. I faltered for a moment, wanting to take the choice back and run from the room so she would never be forced to see me again, so I could take away the reason for her pain, but I wouldn't take this decision from her. Not again.

I pulled back just enough to look at her again, the pain in her eyes mirroring my own. Couldn't she see that this was killing us? That what we had couldn't be denied? My resolve was cracking at her silence, my fingers curling around her biceps, shaking her slightly in my desperation.

"Damn it, Hermione, tell me!"

She sucked in a shaky breath as we stared at each other, my fingers digging too hard into her arms, and I could all but hear her mind whirling with uncertainty. The moment stretched indefinitely, tearing at our souls as we teetered on the brink of ruin.

"I can't."

Those two words which had brought us together and torn us apart were all I needed to hear. I swept her up and strode to the large bed the room conjured before my eyes once more and laid her upon it, covering her and ravaging her mouth, groaning in utter bliss as she submitted to me, her body arching up towards me, surrendering, needing me as I needed her. I shuddered in elation.

Every fiber of my being yearned to take her, to make her mine once more, but I didn't rush, didn't hurry. I simply took pleasure in making her melt, feeling her give beneath me. Everything in the world could come between us but this… _this_ was undeniable. This was all the resolution I needed. It all came down to this, right here, this base instinct that our bodies decided for us, making up our defiant minds. We _had_ to be together and I would do everything in my power to make her see that.

My breath caught in my throat as I gazed down at her, drinking in the image of her lying before me, finally, the candlelight washing over her soft skin, every inch of her beautiful face exactly as I remembered, her scent drugging me as no amount of Firewhiskey ever had. I wanted her with the ferocity of a rampaging hippogriff, but I wanted this night to last forever, for both of us. I would show us both, once and for all, that this could happen. After all these years of longing, I had her. Nothing would stop me from keeping her, not now. Our stubborn attitudes be damned.

I tamped down my fundamental instinct to simply shove us both into oblivion and instead took her as I had never taken anyone, unwinding her, unraveling her completely. I wanted her gasping, entirely sated, entirely drenched in me. I wanted her to need me as madly I needed her; I wanted her broken, open, so I could finally show her that I was the only one who could put her back together. By the end of this night there would be no doubt in either of our minds, at last, that this was right. This was how it could be, how it _should_ be.

So I took her there, shredding her defenses slowly, riving her inch by inch, watching in depraved glory as she came undone. I took my time travelling her body, slowly creeping her night robe down her arms, letting my fingers glide over her bare skin, watching goose bumps erupt there, feeling her soft hairs stand on end. I left the garment puddled beneath her and dragged the tips of my fingers back up her arms as she lay still, our eyes never leaving each other. I felt her breath stutter as I skimmed down the front of her over her thin nightgown, passing over her pebbled nipples, following her curves, memorizing every inch, allowing her to simply dissolve under my touch. I didn't stop until I reached the bottom of the gown and leisurely pushed it up, revealing her inch by glorious inch; enjoying the exquisite torture I put us both through.

As I neared her apex I felt her breath quicken and smirked, reveling in her response. I had to give myself a hasty admonition as I unveiled her so that I didn't ravish her right then. With her gown hooked around her waist I cupped her supple thighs and eased them gently apart, glancing up at her momentarily to gauge her reaction, seeing the fire in her eyes. I breathed in her intoxicating musk as I spread her wide for my gaze, every centimeter of her perfection. I groaned as my member stiffened in anticipation of the splendor I knew to be enfolded between those perfect lips. I couldn't stop myself from drawing my fingertips across those smooth folds, knowing what could be found there…knowing it was for me. In my peripheral, I saw a hand fist in the sheets and my manhood jerked as I envisioned those fingers clutching me as I sank into her…

No, I had to keep to the task at hand or I would fall under her spell and take her now like an animal. So, simply to torture us some more, I ran my forefinger into her slit, following it down as she moaned, the sound shooting through me like liquid fire. I circled her sopping entrance and toyed with the idea of pressing into it, was almost overcome as she raised to me, begging for the pressure. But I pulled my hand away and brought the finger to my nose to inhale her scent, then sucked it off, my eyes closing in delight at her taste. Could there be anything sweeter on this earth?

I had to drag my lids open and caught her face. She was already strung up, her body tensed and ready for me, wanting me, but it wasn't good enough. I wanted her entirely plaint, not able to move for needing me.

Pulling one leg up, I dropped a hot kiss on the inside of her knee, making her gasp softly as I followed the strong line of her inner thigh up, up, my eyes rolling when I neared her core. She strained toward my touch, mewling. The urge to lap up her juices, to shove her over the edge that dangled just above her, was almost unbearable. But I simply ran my tongue over the crease between her thigh and center and continued up, pushing the soft material of her gown north, revealing more of her to my hungry gaze. Soon her tiny waist was mine to behold and I marveled in it, tasting, dipping my tongue into her belly button, hearing her breath catch, her soft moans lancing through me. I had never been so turned on before in my entire life.

"Draco…" she sighed as I ran the gown further up, letting the material drag over her skin, letting it stir her senses, using everything at my disposal to drive her wild. I followed the slowly exposed skin, nibbled at her ribs, kissed the undersides of her breast, and enjoyed the feel of her tiny hands coming to cling to my hair. With a grin up at her flushed countenance, I finally peeled the material the rest of the way off her, tugging it over her head and letting it drop from my limp hand to the floor as I peered down at her naked body.

My mind suddenly went white with want. I had never seen anything so beautiful, so sumptuous. And it was all mine. I groaned like a dying man and couldn't stop my hands from cupping her breasts, testing the weight, feeling her nipples harden once more under my palms. I could feel my erection straining against my trousers and worried for a moment I would not be able to restrain myself. But as she whimpered at my touch I knew I couldn't leave it at this. She had to know everything; I had to have her screaming my name, the only truth.

"Gods, Hermione," I growled, palming her sides, rubbing her down as she clutched at my forearms. "You're going to kill me."

And I feared it might be true. I didn't know how I could survive this encounter.

"Please," she whispered, her body lifting towards my touch. I leaned down and kissed her, drawing her soft lips open, feeling her hands dragging at my neck, pulling me closer. Her urgency was almost more than I could take. I gave in for a moment, growling in torment as I pressed against her hot body, letting her wrap her legs around me, letting her plunder my mouth as she kissed me into oblivion. Where she had picked up this drugging skill I would never know. It must be innate.

I was clutching her roughly, I knew, but I couldn't stop, my need overriding my original plan. I tried to slow my actions but she was rubbing against me, her core burning against my erection, pressing, massaging, her heat dragging me down. I thrust against her and she moaned loudly, her head falling back. Her legs tightened as she gripped me harder, moving against me, searching for any kind of friction. I attacked the smooth column of her throat as she whimpered. "Gods, Draco…please…"

Her words threatened to undo me, but I slowed my ministrations, pulling back infinitesimally. I shushed her gently and tongued the adorable shell of her ear. "We have a long way to go, love," I murmured and she moaned dejectedly. I chuckled and kissed behind her ear, hissing suddenly as one of her hands delved into the front of my pants. She stroked me slowly and I growled. The hellcat was fighting fire with fire, it seemed.

I sputtered in shock when she shoved me off her, pushing me onto my back, straddling me, taking my lips with a frenzy I had never seen in her. I gripped her arms, holding her in place as she worked her magic on me, driving me to the brink of sanity. I felt her hands on the front of my shirt, deftly working the buttons off, her fingertips skimming my fiery skin. I allowed her to look her fill, just the image of her completely naked spanning me, taking charge, was enough to make me overlook my plan entirely. There was no way in Hades I could make her stop now.

She shoved the material off my shoulders and I helped her pull it and my robes off and they were no sooner leaving my wrists before she was attacking my mouth once more, pulling me under. I grabbed her face, dragging her tighter against me as she ground into my erection, causing us both to moan in ecstasy. Gods, this little minx was going to make me come like a bloody first year if I didn't slow her.

But no matter what I tried, she wasn't to be deterred. She took to her own explorations of my body as I had just done with hers. With lips and hands she surveyed my muscular chest and arms, winding me tighter and tighter the lower she moved. She made quick work of my belt and was suddenly unveiling my need for her, her eyes widening in wonder. I couldn't help but chuckle at her innocent reaction and she reddened, a cute little smile quirking her lips which soon turned molten as her gaze caught mine. The look in them had me slightly worried. What in the name of Merlin was she thinking behind those flaming eyes?

She shoved my pants the rest of the way off, taking my shoes and socks with them, then took me in fully. We'd never had much time before to take pleasure in the image of each other entirely, but now we had all the time in the world and I enjoyed every second of her perusal.

"Like what you see?" I asked cockily, linking my hands behind my head, grinning when her eyebrow lifted. But then her lips quirked saucily and her hands caressed my thighs, the touch sending me reeling. She was so close, so dangerously close…

And then she was leaning down, pressing her lips where her hands had been, my legs opening instinctively. I swallowed dryly as I watched her, my mind fogging as she moved closer, closer…

When she touched those sweet lips to the tip of my erection I groaned like a dying man, my hand grasping her wild hair, holding her there because if she moved, if she left…

But she didn't. Instead she licked the drop of pre-cum which had gathered there and I hissed in sweet agony. How the _fuck_ was my sweet, innocent Gryffindor princess doing this right now? Where had she even gotten these ideas into her head? I wanted to ask her, but my throat had caved in as her lips travelled down my abundant shaft to my full testicles which she tongued. I couldn't stop the animalistic noises that fell from between my tightly pressed lips as she explored, my entire body tensed, holding off imminent doom. Only the overriding desire for her to never stop kept me from bursting right then, but it was a close thing. She gripped my cock with one hand and smirked as I twitched under her ministrations. Holding me still she snuck a questioning look up at me, almost as if she was asking permission.

"Dear gods, Hermione, don't stop," I begged, not in the least bit abashed by my haggard plea. Right now, there wasn't anything I wouldn't give her so long as she continued. She gave me the sexiest look I swore I had ever seen on any witch and bent forward to take my engorged head into her hot mouth, shoving me roughly into madness. The string of expletives that burst forth was enough to curl the hair of any hardened warlock, but this only seemed to spur Hermione into showing me how much more she could do.

I urged her on as she pulled me into her mouth, begging her to suck me harder, to take me deeper. She complied every time and I found my hips raising to her, my fingers twisted in her hair, my entire body poised, ready to explode at any moment. I knew I had to stop her because there was no way I could take anymore and _oh, fuck_ , she was deep throating me and, _ugh_ , using her hands and _shit_ , doing things with her tongue I couldn't even explain because I was so drenched in heat I couldn't think or see and I was thrusting into her mouth and she was gripping me so tight…

"Fuck!" I ground out, wrenching her away moments before disaster. The look of hurt that crossed her face had me swearing in even more lust at her innocence.

In one swift move I pinned her to the mattress, covering her, prepared to show her what she'd done to me, to take her places she'd never been. I kissed her long and hard, my hands on either side of her face, pressing my erection against her wet heat, torturing us more as I thrust against her, rubbing the length of me against her slit as she keened, pressing up, positioning her core at my tip, thinking I was finally going to ease that ache I knew was tearing us both to insanity. And because I couldn't help myself, I pressed against her opening as she moaned louder, urging me on. I sank a millimeter into her and pulled away, did it again as her nails dug into me.

"Gods Draco, _please!"_ she begged me, but I wouldn't give in, not yet. I wanted her absolutely unhinged. With an evil grin I pulled away and knelt between her legs, wrapping my arms around her thighs, clutching her provocative bottom, squeezing it for my own pleasure as I brought her up towards my mouth. Her scent enveloped me as I kissed her swollen nub, felt her jerk against my lips. I held her still, easing her back down to the mattress, licking her slit, the taste of her arousal making me shudder in rapture. Nothing had ever tasted so sweet and I could happily spend the rest of my days eating only this…

"Oh, Draco!" she sighed, her hands in my hair. I neared her slick entrance and circled it as I had with my finger before heading back up, laving the broad expanse of my tongue over her nub making her gasp, her nails digging into my scalp, causing my member to twitch with need. I sucked her clit into my mouth, her noises becoming background to the roar of blood coursing through my ears as I feasted on her, finding every hot spot, exploring her entirely, learning her, loving her.

When I finally dipped my tongue into her she cried out, jerking up towards me and I knew she was very, _very_ close. I unwound my right hand from her leg and worked her hood as I continued to lap her up, pressing my tongue as deep in her tight heat as I could, twirling it, pushing her toward the edge as she sobbed with need, pleading me for more. I shoved two fingers roughly into her, working her hard and fast as my mouth proceeded to her nub, sucking, licking, shoving her over the edge, her screams ringing through me, her body spasming hard, over and over as waves of pleasure swept her up.

With a crazed fervor, I suckled her juices into my mouth, my fingers never stopping as she moaned, writhing when I curled them up, finding that little bundle of nerves that made her voice catch so erotically. My tongue joined my fingers in her entrance, my nose pressed against her clit, giving her the friction she craved as her fingers tightened in my hair, her hips pumping erratically as I shoved her mercilessly back into oblivion, her voice breaking. I looked up and watched as she rode the waves of pleasure, a look of wild abandon such as I had never seen finally shattering my resolve.

When she came back down I crawled up her body, unable to stand another minute away from her. She grabbed me up, dragged my lips to her, pulling me hard against her as I gripped her and pushed myself deep inside her. My entire body clenched at the overwhelming pleasure of her tight heat as she gasped beneath me, her nails embedded into my back, the sensations ripping a groan from my throat.

Breathing hard I looked down at her, pushed aside a few strands of hair which had stuck to her sweaty temples. I kissed her deeply, moving slowly, her heat surrounding me.

She looked into my eyes just then and I stilled, on the verge of a precipice. We didn't speak, for no words would suffice. We spent an eternal moment in unguarded bliss; no walls, words, or history between us. We were completely enveloped in each other, suspended over the future we knew we could have, a future which suddenly looked as bright and wonderful as ever. A future of waking in her arms, of coming home to her, of finally feeling like I belonged. In that single moment, I realized that there was someone in this world who not only needed me, but wanted me, simply for who I was. And I had her.

With this realization I dove in, using my lips to express my gratitude, and began to move, slow at first, dragging each movement out, memorizing the feel of her wrapped around me, so hot and tight and soft. Fuck, I'd never felt anything so good… I had to grip her to keep a hold of my sanity, especially when she moved beneath me, taking me deeper, whimpering and grabbing at me, leaving no doubt in my mind that this rhythm was a torturous to her as it was to me.

I picked up the pace slowly, rolling my hips into hers, using my entire length to tease her. She moaned when I buried myself to the hilt and rotated, digging for a new angle, finding it and biting my lip to control myself when it was even more incredible than I'd hoped. I pulled out slowly and did it again and again and then leaned back on my heels and held her in place so I could fuck her properly. She screamed loudly as I whipped like a piston into her, her head snapping back, her nails on my thighs, her hips matching me stroke for stroke. Gods, she was so beautiful I had to touch her, feel her soft mounds, her trim stomach, her sexy hips which lashed up against me at my touch. I held them in place and pounded against her, digging into her deep and hard and fast, loving the way she cried out, angling up to where I knew it would make her hot, feeling the heat intensify, glorying in the wetness that surrounded me, the smell of sex which sent me into a frenzy. She was so close and I knew just how to get her over the edge.

With one hand, I reached down to her hood and worked it fast, watched her eyes roll, felt her contract around me and grunted in pleasure as I shoved her roughly to orgasm. She screamed and jerked against me and I dragged it out as long as I could before pulling out of her and diving down to lap up her juices, reveling at her taste, at her reaction. I heard my name fall from her lips over and over as she urged me on and it only spurred me further.

I rolled her over and laid her flat out on the bed, spreading her legs just enough so that I could sink into her, the pressure of the position and the feel of her arse against me was exhilarating. I leaned forward and took her proffered lips, pulling her arms above her head and threading our fingers. I loved being stretched against her like this, feeling all of her under me, feeling her straining towards me, needing more, more of me.

I didn't disappoint and plunged into her, pushing as deep as I could, feeling all of her. She fisted my hair as I kissed her neck and shoulder, our hot breath mingling, our sweaty bodies melded, every inch of her just as beautiful as the rest, her hips pressing back, trying to take me deeper. I felt the fingers of her other hand clench my mine and the bed sheets with every thrust, heard her moans of pleasure. She was so wet and so hot and so incredibly tight I had to focus on not coming because gods, I didn't want to stop. Every muscle in my body strained for me to take her harder, but I didn't want to hurt her. She was so small and tight I didn't want her to rip.

"Draco, harder, _please_ ," she begged and I gaped. All my reservations flew out the window. I dragged her to her knees where I had more leverage, gripped her hips and absolutely pounded her, my pelvis banging so hard against her I knew there would be bruises but I couldn't stop, the friction more unbelievably amazing than I could fathom. My breath came in harsh pants and I struggled to hold back the inevitable as she screamed beneath me, her hands clutching the edge of the bed to keep herself steady as I railed her. She took it, begging me for more, begging me not to stop. If I could have spoken I would have told her that there was no chance of that, but my mouth and throat were dry as dust with desire as she shattered around me once more.

Her cries drowned the sounds of my whimper as her walls clenched around me, driving me towards madness. When I thought I would explode I stilled inside her, falling forward to kiss her hard, slowing my heart rate, feeling that incredible pressure ebb enough so that I could think again.

I moved slowly, the angle incredible, her tight sheath milking me until I had to pull out entirely. When she looked up at me questioningly I smirked and she sat up and turned to me, pressing me back, straddling me, easing down onto me as I steadied her. I growled hungrily as I filled her and couldn't stop myself from exploring her perfect body. I caught her eyes, nearly black with desire, just before she arched back and began to ride me, showing me all she had learned and making my mind go white with desire. I groaned deliriously as she bucked against me, leaning down and planting her hot lips on my neck.

"Draco," she murmured, her breath shuddering against my shoulder as I lifted myself to her, pressing deeper into her, my entire being focused on her wet heat. My fingers dug into her hips, holding her down as I ground against her, watching her eyes widen then close as I found that spot over and over, the noises falling from her lips the sweetest sin. I rocked against her as she shuddered, her core tightening once more, her head falling back as I ground against that bundle inside her, watched her snap. I could feel my scorching blood coursing through my veins at the image, gasping as it pounded in my ears.

As she broke apart around me, I held her hips still and whipped up into her making her keen louder, her teeth biting down and like a needle straight through me, it ripped out what I'd been holding back for so long and I came with unparalleled force, my entire body catching fire as it tore through me, everything going white then black as she clenched around me, milking me to the very end.

I was unaware my torso had left the bed until I was falling back against it panting, bringing a gasping Hermione with me. Sweat trickled down my temples and dampened the sheets beneath me as my body thrummed in sheer ecstasy. Hermione's entire weight pressed down on me and I grinned in accomplishment when I reached up to move the mass amount of hair out of her face and only received a grunt in response.

For a few moments, all I could do was lay as still as possible and listen to Hermione's measured breath and allowed the reality of the situation to absorb. When I could move them, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her even closer, kissing the top of her head, my heart squeezing when she nuzzled in. For the past several months I had longed for a moment like this, just to hold her in throes of passion, to know she was mine, that we could be together.

I sighed in contentment.

Then stiffened at her words.

"Well, that was pleasant," Hermione stated nonchalantly, sliding from my limp arms and disengaging herself. She sat at the edge of the bed and pulled her discarded gown toward her, yanking it from where it had lodge beneath my calf. My hands fell to my sides numbly as she slid off the bed and tugged on her clothes. I sat up slowly, completely nonplussed.

"Are you leaving?" I asked confusedly, my pleasure drenched mind unable to grasp why she was so far away and not still nestled in my arms.

"Of course, I have to catch the train early," she said matter-of-factly, pulling her hair out from the neck of her robe. She sent me an artificial smile. "Enjoy Romania."

Eyes wide and sputtering, I leapt out of bed as she strode for the door which suddenly appeared. "How do you-?"

"Oh, don't insult me, Draco," she snapped, giving me an icy look which froze my heart before striding out of the room. "Have a good life."

"Wait a minute! What the _fuck?"_ I bellowed, grabbing my pants as I ran for her, watching her retreat down the hallway. Cursing, I dragged the trousers up and buttoned them on the run.

"Hermione!" I screamed as she rounded the corner, utterly perplexed.

I caught her halfway down the hall and grabbed her elbow, swinging her around only to catch a fist to the face. I stumbled back with the force of the blow, my hand rising to my throbbing nose to stem the deluge of blood that poured down my front.

"What the _fuck?_ "

"Don't you _ever_ touch me again!" she shrieked, her eyes wild.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I hollered, completely at a loss to the reason for this sudden mood swing. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Draco," she laughed coldly, her tone deadly, her smile a terrifying lie. "No. You did everything right. You were right to leave, right to push me away. I was mental to think I could ever be with someone like you. You are nothing but an ignorant, lying, selfish little boy who takes whatever he wants whenever he wants, to hell with those he breaks along the way. I've been fooling myself for months trying to see past the horrible way you've treated me, allowing you to break my heart over and over because I told myself that there was a reason, that you would come around."

She shook her head, the look on her face cold enough to freeze Hades in his tracks. "You just proved to me tonight that what we had was nothing more than lust. You got what you came for but I'm through with being your plaything. I'm done lying to myself, I'm done allowing you to hurt me. I'm done, Draco."

Then she turned and walked away.

...

A/N: …I'm going to be murdered in my sleep, aren't I?

XOXO

RynStar15


	8. The End

I took one last pull of the amber liquid and snapped down the empty decanter with a dull thud. Tossing a couple of galleons on the bar, I nodded at Tom and slipped out the front door of the Leaky Cauldron and into the ceaseless blizzard. Ducking into a deserted alley, I Apparated to my empty flat and looked around.

When I'd found the cozy loft, I'd had Hermione in mind. The soft ivory carpet, the oversized fireplace in rich mahogany, the ample kitchen, the deep claw-footed tub. My own tastes would have preferred something a little sleeker perhaps: black marble, hardwood floors, high ceilings. But I thought she might appreciate the homey space overlooking the park where couples walked hand-in-hand beneath the now barren limbs of trees laden down in foamy white. So I lived with it, such as I lived with the ache of missing her.

I had to admit that the thick carpet was quite pleasant between my toes after a long day and the quiet neighborhood suited my need for solitude. In the end, it didn't matter whether I lived here or in a mansion or in a hovel under the bridge. I'd lost her.

Dropping my sodden cloak on the lone chair I kept in the dining room, I padded to the kitchen and threw together a dry sandwich, having forgotten to run to the store for more mayonnaise. The contents of my cupboards were pitiful, but I ate out most nights anyways so I couldn't be bothered to care.

Leaning against the counter I gazed out into the dark night and watched the fat white flakes of snow slash across the window over the sink, the view beautiful. A lonely cityscape of London lay out beyond the park, beautiful and cold, lights winking from the skyscrapers towering in the distance. She was out there somewhere. Somewhere in the mass of buildings and people, she was there, living. Without me.

It was my own fucking fault. I had no one else to blame. I'd spent so much of my time and energy pushing her away it was no wonder she had turned me down. Who was I to think she would wait that long for me without explanation? And yet she had known where I had gone anyways…

Who had told her? Potter? Remus? I had never asked, it didn't really matter. It was no one's fault but my own. She had done everything right. She had been patient. She had been understanding. She had helped me through the hardest time of my life. She had saved my fucking life more times than I could count. And still, it hadn't been enough for needy, greedy ol' me. I'd wanted more, always more. I'd wanted a life of my own, something to be proud of. She could wait. Isn't that what Hermione did best? She would understand, she would come crawling back into my arms as soon as I strode through the doors and we would make a life out of the one I had carved for us and she would follow unquestioningly, desperately happy.

I chucked the meager contents of my sandwich across the room irately and leaned my arms heavily against the counter. Gods, she was fucking right. I was an ignorant, lying, selfish little boy. I hadn't seen that what she'd offered for so long was everything I needed. I had tossed her aside time and again, ignoring him words, figuring I knew best.

And then she had handed me my resolution on a silver platter and I had promised her I would stay with her. Shattered that one, hadn't I? She'd been right there, in my arms, waiting for me to show her…then I'd walked away.

All I thought about _everymotherfuckingday_ was about what _I_ needed. What about what _she_ needed? She had needed me and I'd turned from her. I'd finally had a chance to prove to her that I was deserving of her love and I had thrown it right in her face while she lay in a hospital bed, recovering from wounds she'd sustained trying to save me. I had left her, broken and begging. And now I would reap the consequences of my actions.

In the light of my loss I had tried to change. Everything happened for a reason, didn't it? I tried to think about something other than myself once in a while, tried to open my fucking eyes to the world and its opportunities. But it was hard to forget what I'd lost and I spent most of my time wallowing in the memory of her feel, her touch, her taste…

Knowing she would hate if I left a mess, I cleaned up my pathetic meal and made my way through the barren flat, scrubbing my face as if I could erase the image of hers.

The only other room in the sad dwelling with any furniture at all was the bedroom where a massive bed awaited, cold and dark. I could just see her there, spread across it, flushed and waiting for me to take her, to fill her as only I could. Was someone else out there right now, taking what was mine?

 _She's not yours, you gave her up,_ I reminded myself. But it didn't matter what I tried to tell myself. I felt it, so deep it was ingrained. There had never been anyone in the world made so perfectly for me as she was. She was everything I hadn't even known I'd wanted. And I'd lost her.

Growling at the empty bed, I turned and made my way back out the door, snatching my cloak on the way out.

I didn't know where I'd go but I couldn't stay in the lonely house tonight. I had sworn I'd seen her today, her thick hair gleaming beneath thousands of lighted orbs as she'd made her way through the Ministry where Charlie and I had been to see about breeding permits. We were having trouble securing the area I'd picked out for our new colony and were just leaving, the elation of winning out against those wizened Muggle Relations crones putting a new bounce in Charlie's step. But I had been focused on one thing and my heart had stopped when I'd found her, trailing after the new Chief Warlock Dreydus Duggard, quill in hand over a long parchment looking harried and worn. Was she eating? Sleeping? Where was she staying? Was she warm at night, curled up next to that Weasley prick?

She'd disappeared among the hordes without even glancing up and I was forced to plaster on a smile when Charlie went on about which eggs would be the best to start with, which lines they should mix this season.

It wasn't that I didn't care. I enjoyed my work with the dragons; the labor was satisfying and kept my mind off…other things. At the end of the day, however, I was always back to square one.

She didn't answer my owls. Potter refused to tell me where she was. After numerous attempts to reach her, I received a very angry Howler from Mrs. Weasley warning me to leave her alone. I'd stopped writing anyone after a while, stopped confiding in Charlie. All that mattered now was my work, which was fine since it took up a good portion of time. I even took extra night shifts so I didn't have to spend those hours tossing and turning, the repercussions of my mistakes like an anchor on my chest.

There were other witches out there, good women who could keep me warm at night, even to share an amicable conversation with. I was young, not unattractive. Heir to a fortune no one really knew was gone. I should get out there, explore, enjoy my youth.

These were all excellent reasons to be sure. Not that any of them mattered. The thought of being with anyone other than Hermione was contemptible. What woman could match up? They all seemed so spineless, so fake. Even with their gobs of makeup they couldn't match the natural beauty of Hermione's warm smile. Nothing could replace her annoying habit of always being right or her incredible wit and vast intellect. Who else could utter soft words of comfort and with the same mouth insult with the skill of a hardened warlock? Whose lips could light a fire in me as hers had or soothe that consuming flame of anguish as it tore through me, bringing me back from the brink of death?

It had been nearly six months, each day as long as the last. The suffocating heat of the summer had been drowned out by autumn's downpour and then swallowed up by the white of winter. Bitter cold stung my exposed fingers as I jogged down the icy steps of the building which led out to the quiet lane, especially at this time of night.

Which is why I was more than a little surprised to see a lone figure standing in the middle of the cobbled street, the white deluging around them, looking as lost and forlorn as I felt.

I didn't need to squint, to step forward or call out to be sure. I knew it was her. She stood with her hands at her sides, her eyes on me, her hair painted dark by melted snow, indicating she had been out for quite a while. She wore no cloak, no outerwear of any kind even though puffs of mist swirled up into the garish orange light of a streetlamp above with each exhale. It looked as if she had come straight from the Ministry, her Wizengamot robes plastered to her body.

I stopped where I was on the stairs, my heart in my throat, watching her practically drown out there in all that white. She didn't come closer, didn't call out to me. She simply stood there.

Curiosity won out over my pride, a trait I had once lived my life by, one I had quickly learned could destroy it. I made my way slowly towards her, feeling as though I was treading across a thinly iced-over Black Lake. At this point I would prefer it. The giant squid seemed a less formidable adversary.

As I stepped off the curb she started forward, stopping just before me, her hands coming up and then stilling, dropping lamely to her sides. She looked up at me, wretched, snowflakes clinging to her eyelashes.

"Draco," she whispered, as if to make sure. My heart bounded to life right there in my larynx making my voice tight and weak.

"Hermione."

"I didn't think you would…I mean you never have before…"

"Taken to stalking me?" I sniped scornfully, anger I had pressed so deeply down beneath the hurt and disappointment suddenly bubbling up as I gazed upon her shivering form.

"Of course not," she breathed, looking down at her twisting hands before glancing back up at me, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes to melt the flakes that had settled upon her cheeks. "I tried so many times…I wanted to see you, to talk to you-"

"I believe you made it very clear that you wanted nothing to do with me," I said harshly, taking the tiniest pleasure in watching her jerk as if I'd slapped her.

"I know, I know what I said, what I did…I was so _angry!"_ she cried, her fists coming up to shove at my chest and I was forced to take a step back to keep my footing on the slick ground. Fire and fury flared to life in her eyes as she glared up at me accusingly. "You _left_ me! You left without a word, without any…what was I supposed to think?"

"If you had let me explain-"

"It wasn't good enough, Draco, don't you see?" she sobbed, shaking her head. "I didn't c-care that you needed to find yourself, I w-would have understood! Didn't you trust me to understand? D-Didn't you think I'd wait? Because I would have, I _did!_ I waited and waited for you to say something, any little thing, one single reason why you had to leave. But you _d-didn't!_ After e-everything you still didn't trust me! I was hurt and I was mad and I hate you so fucking much!"

I was taken aback at her words, at the pain that hit like a punch to the gut. But I finally understood the reason for her anger. How could I have been so stupid, so blind? Didn't she _always_ understand? Didn't she _always_ know what I needed, even before I did? And hadn't she always been there through every awful, selfish mistake? I opened my mouth to tell her this but she went on, as Hermione Granger was wont to do.

"I hate you for ruining _everything,_ for never letting me in, for never trusting me! After e-everything I did for you it still wasn't enough! _I_ wasn't enough! I hate you for making me care so much, for making me love you even after all of the h-horrible things you did and said. I'm so sick of thinking about you all the time, of missing you so much it hurts. Why do you have to do this to me? _Why?_ "

"Because you make me fucking insane!" I screamed, grabbing her arms, dragging her up so she could see the same anguish reflected in my eyes. "Don't you see? I can't fucking _function_ around you! You're always so goddamn caring and understanding, how am I supposed to respond to that? I'm a fucking Death Eater-"

"You're not!"

"What do you call this?" I roared, ripping up the sleeve of my robe, thrusting the fading Mark under her nose, watching her flinch away.

"That's not who you are and you know it!" she cried, slapping my arm out of her face and shoving at my chest. "Stop using it as an excuse for everything, Draco! One day you're going to have to own up to your feelings and stop hiding behind that damn Mark!"

She whipped around, her hands flying to her mouth in shock while I tried to capture the breath she had stolen from my lungs. We stood in silence, flakes of white swirling around us as I absorbed her words. Was she right? Was that what I had been doing? Using the fact that I was born to be an emotionless drone to get in the way of what I felt for her?

Of course she was right. Dammit, how had I never seen…?

I stared at the back of her head at a loss for words. I tried several times to speak but nothing came out. I didn't know what to say, how to make her realize that I didn't mean to, that I didn't know how to handle the emotions she wrought within me. That I was so sorry I was such a fucking mess, that I hurt her when there was nothing in the world I wanted less…

She shook her head slowly, hugging herself, seeming a thousand miles away even though I could reach out and touch her.

"I shouldn't have come here," she murmured, her words sounding pained. "It's obvious nothing has changed-"

"You're right," I growled. I knew I was losing her again and I had to act fast. I stepped forward, wanting to grab her, to hold her, to keep her here, but I didn't touch her, not yet. "Nothing has changed at all. I still feel the same for you as I did the day you dragged me off that battle field. The same I felt the first time we made love. The same I felt the day I left."

She huffed sardonically, her head dropping even further, her words no more than a whisper. "And what exactly do you feel?"

"You know what I feel," I muttered lowly, my voice husky beneath my emotion.

She turned to me, her face begging my words to be true. "How can I ever trust you?"

"I don't have an answer to that, Hermione," I said honestly. "But look me in the eye and tell me I'm lying when I say I never wanted to leave you. I never meant to hurt you. Everything I did, the good and the bad, was for you." I cupped her cheek with a shaky hand, the words barely audible above the pounding of my heart.

"It's always been for you."

I lowered my head slowly, hovering above her own but not making contact. I would give her the choice, I wouldn't force her, I would simply lay my heart out for the taking if she so chose. I could see the indecision swirling in her bright eyes, her lips parting in shock at my words. The moment stretched out endlessly and I held my breath in anticipation.

My heart skipped a beat when her expression changed, as I watched her walls coming down. Her brow still furrowed in fear, she reached up her small hands to cup my face and I shuddered, both from the chill of her icy digits and from the elation of feeling her touch once more.

Then she was rising onto her toes, closing the distance, watching my eyes until the very last second before her lips met with mine. She whimpered. I broke.

I grabbed her then, drawing her up, taking her cold lips harshly in one last, desperate attempt to show her why I did the things I did. She melted instantly and I groaned in pure bliss, tugging her closer. I splayed her against me, wrapping my arms around her waist, hers coming around my neck. I lifted her off her feet and held her as the flurry leapt around us, unnoticed as our aching hearts sobbed in utter relief. Her legs wrapped around me and I nearly shattered with happiness, the feel of having her enveloped around me better than every single image I'd thought up in her absence.

She pulled away slightly and traced my face with warming fingers, the storm continuing to batter us from every side, whipping her long hair between us.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" she breathed and I kissed her again, trying to tell her it didn't matter; nothing mattered but that she was here, in my arms. She yanked away. "I shouldn't've-"

"It's not important, I deserved worse," I growled, holding her so tightly against me we were in danger of simply melting into each other's skin. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you-"

"I know why you didn't, I stole all of Harry's letters."

I eyed her curiously. "Did you now? How did you know I was-?"

"Well, you weren't exactly secretive, using Charlie's owl."

I chuckled, leaning my forehead against hers. Of course she would figure something like that out, I'd never even thought… "Damn brainy witch. If you knew then why did you-"

"I was scared, you never seemed to want to talk about me and when you did I wasn't sure if you were just trying to placate him so he didn't leave _your_ body in the Great Hall-"

I snorted and she furrowed her brow. "And then you were there with no warning and you made me feel all these things and I couldn't think, I was so scared you would leave me again and after that- _gods,_ that sex-I couldn't stand it if you-so I did-and-"

I quelled her insistent rambling by kissing her again, the smile on my face making it hard to do so proficiently. Everything I'd ever felt for this slip of a witch was building inside me, warming me from the inside, and I knew what I had to do, what I had to tell her, finally, to keep her.

"I love you," I murmured, tucking her white covered hair behind her ear, watching her face fall in utter disbelief. "I've loved you since before I can remember. You are everything I ever wanted to be, everything that's ever meant anything to me. I can't possibly explain how in love with you I am. But if you'll give me the chance, I will spend the rest of my life showing you. I love you, Hermione Jean Granger."

The tears doubled and she sniffed, her hands picking at flecks of white on my now sopping cloak. She laid her head against mine for a moment before reaching into her pocket, drawing out her wand. My eyes widened, wondering wildly if she was going to curse me, not even hearing her words as she flicked her wand, a blue-white dragon bursting from it, taking wing, whipping around us as my heart leapt at the image, at the unspoken admission.

Her eyes met mine and she let out a heart-wrenching sob before nodding, kissing me hard and deep. I groaned, dipping her, reveling in her consent, in the knowledge that she chose me.

I whipped around so quickly she giggled against my lips, the sound so beautiful I swore to myself I would do anything in my power to hear it as often as possible. Never breaking away from her lips, I carried her back to the flat I'd bought just for her, the flat which was now ours, the one which would see the start of our future together.

I should have known better than to second guess myself. A Malfoy was always right, wasn't he? It was only a matter of time before things worked out as planned.

Because I had always known, somehow, that she was always mine.

...

A/N: There, see? I'd never leave you hanging! Our stubborn couple just needed some time to smooth things out. It was quite the tumultuous beginning, after all. But they made it in the end!

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for sharing this journey with me. I sincerely hope you loved it as much as I did. And never fear, if you are sad because this story is over, there is ever more Dramione to be had! My new one-shot The Promise is sure to tug on some feelers and guess what, I just posted a new WIP you can follow along with! It is slow in the first couple of chapters, but it is probably my smuttiest and one of my more action-packed fics. Hope to see you all there!

CatwinWo: There is always something up when it comes to Hermione Granger! Check out my new WIP Verto Vitae, she's up to all kinds of trouble there! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed the ending!

Guest: Well, maybe if he had tried saying those damn three words a little earlier this whole mess wouldn't have happened! Stubborn Slytherin. Thanks for joining me, hope you enjoy my other works as well!

LissaDream: That hubby of yours sure sounds like a keeper! I think Draco was trying to prove a point, though he may have done it a little too well… :P Thank you so much for all your reviews and support, they mean the world to me! I hope you loved this story and can't wait to see what you think of Verto Vitae. MANY more lemons to come (pun intended)!

AuraAuthor: Bahahahaha! I was SO hoping I'd make you scream again! Such frustration! But hopefully I've made it all better! Thank you so much for your support and reviews, they were highly entertaining. I hope you like Verto Vitae just as much, I have a feeling that story might make you yell at me as well!

lunaamour: He just needed a little lesson. Silly teenage boys! But I hope this made up for it! Thank you for reading and reviewing, it truly makes my day!

Humbly yours,

XOXO

RynStar15


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